Reblog: In Case You Missed This…

Published September 8, 2021 by Nan Mykel

Dana Milbank is a regular opinion writer for The Washington Post. As a native Texan, who still has strong emotional ties to the state, I found his analysis to be deeply upsetting. Since the Supreme Court’s decision not to overturn the Texas abortion ban, I can no longer buy anything from Texas, including Tito’s, my favorite vodka. When the anti-vaxxers show up at school board meetings proclaiming “My body, my choice,” I wonder why they don’t feel the same about women’s reproductive rights.

Milbank wrote:

Texas this week showed us what a post-democracy America would look like. Thanks to a series of actions by the Texas legislature and governor, we now see exactly what the Trumpified Republican Party wants: to take us to an America where women cannot get abortions, even in cases of rape and incest; an America where almost everybody can openly carry a gun in public, without license, without permit, without safety training and without fingerprinting; and an America where law-abiding Black and Latino citizens are disproportionately denied the right to vote. This is where Texas and other red states are going, or have already gone. It is where the rest of America will go, unless those targeted by these new laws — women, people of color and all small “d” democrats — rise up. 

On Wednesday, a Texas law went into effect that bans abortions later than six weeks, after the Supreme Court let pass a request to block the statute. Because 85 to 90 percent of women get abortions after six weeks, it amounts to a near-total ban. Already on the books in Texas is a “trigger” law that automatically bans all abortions, even in cases of rape and incest, if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade. At least 10 other states have done likewise.

 Also Wednesday, a new law went into effect in Texas, over the objections of law enforcement, allowing all Texans otherwise allowed to own guns to carry them in public, without a license and without training. Now, 20 states have blessed such “permitless carry.” 

And on Tuesday, the Texas legislature passed the final version of the Republican voting bill that bans drive-through and 24-hour voting, both used disproportionately by voters of color; imposes new limits on voting by mail, blocks election officials from distributing mail-ballot applications unless specifically requested; gives partisan poll watchers more leeway to influence vote counting; and places new rules and paperwork requirements that deter people from helping others to vote or to register. At least 17 states have adopted similar restrictions.   

All three of these actions are deeply antidemocratic. Texans overwhelmingly object to permitless carry. Fully 57 percent of Texas voters oppose such a law and only 36 percent support it, according to a June poll by the University of Texas and the Texas Tribune. The partnership’s April poll found that, by 46 percent to 20 percent, Texans want stricter gun laws — and support for tougher laws is 54 percent among women, 55 percent among Latinos and 65 percent among Black voters. 

Texans also oppose banning all abortions if Roe is overturned, with 53 percent against a ban and 37 percent for one. Women oppose the ban, 58 percent to 33 percent. A narrow plurality (46 percent to 44 percent) oppose the six-week ban, too.

 Furthermore, pluralities of Texans opposed the ban on drive-through voting and restrictions on early voting hours. The drive-through ban was particularly objectionable to Black voters (52 percent opposed to 30 percent in the April poll) and Latino voters (44 percent to 36 percent), as were the limits on early voting hours, opposed 52 percent to 28 percent among Black voters and 46 percent to 31 percent among Latino voters.

 And that’s the whole point of such voter-suppression laws. Texas became a “majority minority” state more than 15 years ago — and the country as a whole will follow in about two decades. But White voters still dominate the electorate. Latinos are about 40 percent of the Texas population, but only 20 to 25 percent of the electorate. Texas legislators aren’t answering to the people but rather to the White, male voters that put the Republicans in power. The new voting law, by suppressing non-White votes, aims to keep White voters dominant. As demographics turn more and more against Republicans in Texas, their antidemocratic actions will only get worse. 

Bad things happen when leaders don’t reflect the will of the people. This is happening already in Texas and some other red states. It will be happening more nationally if Republicans get their way.   

INTRODUCTION – 4th Wednesday post

Published September 8, 2021 by Nan Mykel

I’ve lived a long life…

The fourth consecutive Wednesday posting of Fallout: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders:

Introduction

First, I must tell you that I was not severely traumatized by my sexual abuse. I did not significantly dissociate nor develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I provisionally met the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder at one time. I’m telling you this so you can place the effects incest had on me in perspective.

Numerous others described herein experienced much more damage. Even with my non-violent assault, however, the damage should be obvious in the following pages.

FOR MEN WHO MOLEST

It is probable that you are much more than a man who molests. You may engage in good deeds, be a hard worker and good provider.

Like an animal that has developed rabies, however, you become a danger to society and will be/are being treated as such when your behavior is discovered. Your contributions to society become invisible and you are a marked man. The condition may not be terminal, however. In fact, you are far from alone in the population.

Most men who molest children have not yet been reported and convicted, nor have they been exposed to some of the information provided in treatment programs. You can learn to understand your urges and explore strategies for controlling them.

David Finkelhor was sensitive to the potential usefulness of shared information when he wrote of prevention programs: “Even without specifically addressing the possibility that audience members might become abusers … it is likely that these programs do have an important deterrent influence on anyone who is exposed to them, if for no other reason than that they clearly reinforce the norm that such behavior is exploitative of a child” (Finkelhor 1986b, 234). I hope the information in this book will both encourage men who are still free to resist molesting and strengthen the resolve of those currently in treatment.

The majority of incestuous fathers are symbiotic, in that they feel an emotional bond with their victim (Courtois 1988; Justice and Justice 1979). Maddock and Larson (1995, 84) refer to “affectional based incest,” reporting that “a significant amount of incest behavior appears to serve as a means of expressing affection.” (There is a difference between affection and empathy, however; see Chapter 5.)

A glaring example of this misinformed motivation is reported by de Young (1982, 36), who quotes a molester as saying: “I wanted to be her lover, not the victimizer. I wanted her to remember our affair as one of affection and warmth, not fear and pain.”

Much of the thrust of this book is, therefore, to make a case for the fact that incest is damaging, especially for a child you care about or who is under your protection. I use myself as the example, since to outward appearances I have “succeeded” in life. Read my story and you will find otherwise.

FOR SURVIVORS:

I hope that survivors will find the information within these pages helpful, not only in the section for survivors but also the perpetrator section. I myself was surprised to learn that being able to make sense of my sexual abuse is healing, as discussed later in the book.

A group of female survivors and their therapist once visited our
program during a group session. Each man introduced himself and explained why he was in prison. They answered any questions the visitors had. After the group was over, the survivors confessed they had been anxious, scared, and even angry with the men they were
yet to meet. Upon leaving they reported feeling better about the
men, whom they saw as working on themselves.

From time to time I wondered how my father or grandfather would have fit into our prison group. Would they have denied their culpability? My grandfather would deny his molesting behavior and perhaps convince himself that he was blameless. I can imagine him complaining—as I have heard more than one offender do—that “it’s gotten so you can’t even give your grandkid a hug any more.”

I do not believe treatment would have deterred my grandfather. My father would have been more honest, but both would have denied that any damage had been done.

So do child molesters—especially incest offenders—harm their
victims?

At first I resisted the idea that much of my life had been negatively shaped by the incest. Then as I learned more about the kinds of effects it exerts, I was able to gain a clearer perspective of myself. Coming to realize that I have dissociated was an eye-opener as well. Keeping a journal, along with a record of my dreams, has been beneficial not only at the time of writing but later, when tracing my journey.

FOR THE COMMUNITY AND FAMILY

It is no surprise that the community at large knows so little about incest. It’s such an ugly topic and so difficult to discuss with children! That ignorance leaves both us and our loved ones vulnerable, however. We dress our little girls as sexy vamps, don’t know the difference between “playing doctor” and juvenile sex offending, and don’t know how to respond when our young child says she wants to marry us, insists she/he doesn’t want to return to camp again this year, or begs for a different babysitter.

What if a family member who molested a child is chastened and “wants to make it up to her,” or to work on building a better relationship with her? How should you respond if a family member
who has been in sex offender treatment gets depressed and starts blaming his victim? Or decides to start coaching Little League?

People can be wonderful in many different ways and still sexually abuse children. I hope you will find answers to these and other questions throughout this book.

FOR OTHER PROFESSIONALS

I once asked Jan Hindman why there were so many survivors treating sex offenders, and she said, “Because they know how important it is.”

Randomness, Then a Fantasy

Published September 8, 2021 by Nan Mykel

The Navy now permits sailors to wear earrings, according to the Military News.

The Pentagon announced that no military working dogs were left in Afghanistan when American troops withdrew from Afghanistan on Aug. 31.

Donald Trump is said to have told 30,573 lies while in office, (as reported in The Truth About Lies by Aja Raden, St Martin’s Press.)

Aliens, ladies, bitch and dog.

What have these poor words in common?

They have become tainted, that’s what.

Star Wars tarnished aliens. I

recall my horror when I heard

the word used for migrants.

Ladies — manners cost them strength and

Bitch is not only female, but

also a dog, the most unfair

of them all. My best friend is not

a dog! Gracie is a sweetheart,

not a dog!

and….

A PURE, WISHFUL FANTASY

Churches all over the United States this week read their Bibles again, especially the part about adultery and false witness, and are embarrassed and apologetic about their gullibility, although they have not yet owned the fact that their error was not gullibility but a political power play. At any rate they are being welcomed back from a close call to blasphemy.

AT THE END OF HIS ROPE AND THE END OF FOUR LIVES

Published September 7, 2021 by Nan Mykel

Marine veteran Bryan Riley is accused of killing four in Florida. (Courtesy Polk County Sheriff’s Office).

Bryan Riley, 33, the U.S. Marine veteran who dressed himself in camouflage and reportedly later added full body armor and a bullet proof vest, left his domicile to kill civilians in Lakeland, Polk County Florida Sunday morning. The victims were being considered as random by authorities, based on limited information as of Sunday.

After a fierce gun battle with Riley he surrendered, and officers heard cries for help inside the home, but were unsure whether there were additional shooters and feared the home was booby-trapped. A brave sergeant rushed in and grabbed an 11-year-old girl who had been shot at least seven times. She told deputies that there were three dead people inside.

Deputies sent robots into the home to check for explosives and other traps. When it was clear, they found the bodies of a man identified as Gleason; a 33-year-old mother; a 3-month old baby cradled in its mother’s arms, and the baby’s 62-year-old grandmother in or from a separate home nearby, and the family dog who had also been killed. Authorities released only Gleason’s name, and did not say if or how he was related to the other victims.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said the girl was rushed to surgery and was expected to survive.

Judd said Riley was honorably discharged after serving four years, according to the Tampa Bay Times, which quoted Judd as saying Riley served another three years in reserve. He was deployed to Iraq in 2008 and Afghanistan in 2009 and 2010

Riley’s girlfriend of four years told deputies that he had PTSD and depression but had never been violent, the newspaper reported. She said Riley had been slowly unraveling for weeks and repeatedly told her that he could communicate directly with God. He worked in Tarpon Springs as a security guard.

Judd said that afterwards, during an interrogation, Riley observed, “They begged for their lives and I killed them anyway.” It is unclear from the article whether Riley was remorseful or bragging.

I became interested in U.S. troop suicides recently, both active duty and veterans. There have been four times as many suicides by soldiers and veterans than combat deaths while or after serving in Afghanistan, Iraq, and other fronts of the War on Terror since 2001, as reported in The Week, referencing USA Today. I initially wondered if Riley was headed for a death-by-cop suicide. Apparently he lived through his slaughtering act, however, which then caused me to reflect that white Riley was not killed, despite being so reportedly aggressive that he tried to grab an officer’s gun while on a guerney in the hospital. I was glad to see that the Military Times seems to be a legitimate news outlet, based on their reporting of this case which was penned by Kelli Kennedy. I refer those interested to check it out for more information.

I’m not quite through looking into troop suicide variables.

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Sticky Fingers Reblog

Published September 6, 2021 by Nan Mykel

Precious!

lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown

Sticky Fingers

Gram’s a kleptomaniac. It’s known all over town.
She’ll glom onto anything the neighbors don’t tie down.
It’s obvious what she’s up to, for she takes no pains to hide it.
She’ll peer into the coffee spout to see what is inside it
and if it isn’t boiling hot, she’ll make off with the whole of it.
She’ll steal anything in sight, for “need” is not the goal of it.

She collects things in the daylight and sneaks out after dark.
She has no fear of guard dogs. She’s not warned off by their bark.
Unabashed, she faces up to every cluck and frown
as she steals coins from collection plates of every church in town.
My dad makes restitution and gives them more besides
while my mom checks out the stashes of everything she hides

and returns things to their owners. It’s become her daily chore
and…

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They Cost You Nothing; They Have No Value

Published September 5, 2021 by Nan Mykel

While re-organizing, I came across the following poem by a member of our Poetry group, and have graciously been permitted to share it with you. It is by Patricia L.H. Black, written in 2/2018. An earlier poem of hers can be found on my Flash Fiction and Poe/try Page, titled “What’s Wrong With This Picture?”