negative specialness 12 28 75


You see, I can’t read my own handwriting any more–besides, it takes soo long to get the letters on the page, so I’ve been trying to add a new page here, but forget as soon as I remember how.  So, since I had just decided to update who I am, and  had managed to start a different page (HOWDY),  I managed to add a new title and  drop the other.  I hope to be writing another book, and I can’t post the portions as I go without losing the copyright,  so I decided to follow my advice and start a new Journal containing whatever my former journal contained: thoughts, dreams drawings, etc.  I can’t decide whether to add them bottom up or up down in dates.

10-14-19   My thoughts are skipping around so I need to put them down in order to collect them.  Topic is the nonconscious, in preparation for the book I’m hoping to write.  I’d better make the print smaller…Factoid:

  1. The brain is malleable, at least until death. Areas or focal points can take over functioning from other focal points.

2.      Without a brain some individuals have been known to function–(using elsewhere in their body?)  Darling.   Jumping spiders who have no ears can hear through the hairs on their legs

3.       Organ donors’ experience sometimes transferred to recipient via heart organ.

4.       Nonconscious stimuli can be acted upon by the unconscious.

5.   Why do I want to believe I have a unique Self?

6. Why did I have that “aha” experience that in our dreams we’re united?

7.  Our language reflects our bodily experiences (i.e., metaphors)

8.  Fairytale folktales ubiquitious (Ames Thompson Index?)

9.  How much does the adaptive unconscious contribute?

10.  Why does being in nature aid the immune system?

11.  Instincts–inborn tendencies?  How have they changed from the beginning?

12. when was the beginning of instincts?

13.  What metaphorical messages or instincts do widespread folktales tell?

14. Time magazine couldn’t explain Edgar Cayce.

15. When did empathy first occur?  How far back?

16. Where does the religious feeling live in the brain?  (The God gene?)

17.  How developed is the music center in the brain?  (Instances where lightning or other damage produced musical virtuosos.)

18. How does multiple personality work/reside?

19. Remember that the nonconscious consists of more than the brain.

20. Colin Wilson refers to ‘the underground world of our mind.’

21. How did self-consciousness develop?  Tied to language?

22. We can sense things only because we have a body. such functions arise within a series of impersonal horizons; the embryonic body prior to birth, the autonomous rhythm of breathing  and circulation, the stilled body of sleep, the mystery of the corpse. (Drew Leder)

23. The body knows a link to the world that the consciousness cannot sense. The other body does everything “one” cannot control: It deals with the circulation, the reflexes, digestion, sexuality, and emotional reactions. (Tor Norretranders p 324)

24. Subliminal perception and nonconscious mental activity mean that man’s link to the world is far stronger than consciousness suspects. (327 Tor)

25. “All bodies are in a state of perpetual flux like rivers, and the parts are continually entering in and passing out,” (leibnitz, Tor 327)  The new atoms can now remember what was going on in my mind a year ago! (Richard Feynman via Tor 326)

26. It is not the conscious I that thinks at all, but the nonconscious me

27. The emergence of human consciousness has changed the development of the planet decisively because the extent and character of the nonconscious functions has changed. ( Tor)

28.( p 296 Tor-) “Roger Shepard writes in his book Mind Sights  that it is no accident that it occurred just before waking up. Many scientists and creative thinkers  have noticed that the mind’s best work is sometimes done without conscious direction; during receptive states of reverie, idle meditation, dreaming or transition between sleep and wakefulness.”

I TOOK A NAP–needing to write a poem for tomorrow morning’s Poetry Group. Focussed on the unconscious’ need to GET OUT rather than consciousness’s yearning to GET IN.  (Freud talked about the Royal Road to the Unconscious).  Then I thought of how the outside criticizes the use of cliches.  And of how the nonconscious utilizes metaphors so regularly),

So I thought I’d fool around with the idea of the Ucs trying to get out.  It’s known to be a great punster (Faraday?)  I’ll go scribble elsewhere so as not to bore any hapless human who happens to land on this site….

10/15/2019   I’m having second thoughts about writing Stepping Stones.  In the library today I came across many new books on the nonconscious. The Democratic Debate from Westernville is floating into my office as I write.  Watching it would cause too much tension/anxiety in me.  Someone sure is yelling.  If there are really OOBES then I will never experience one because of fear.  –The yeller was the national chair of the democratic committee, I had to see.

It is  weak of me but I want my Ucs to house me and encourage my best interests. Why should I believe strict science and no sensing?  And I know I hate a future of artificial intelligence!  It’s like trusting Ttrump or jumping off a cliff, hoping…(“Orgel’s Second Rule:  Evolution is cleverer than you are.”  Dennett, 413.)  “Once we accept the universality of  the Darwinian perspective, we realize that our current state , both individually and as societies, is both imperfect and impermanent.” (Ibid)..  “Most people are content to be the beneficiaries of technology and medicine, scientific fact-finding and artistic creation without much of a clue about how all this ‘magic’ has been created.” (Ibid, 407)

“Comprehension is so  passe, so vieux jeux, so old-fashioned!  Who needs understanding when we can all be the beneficiaries of artifacts that save us that ardurous effort?” (Feynman ?) …Dennett observes, however, that the supply of high tech repair persons  is dwindling or non-existent (p 407)

Dennett quotes Chomsky, “we accept the best  explanation science can give us…It doesn’t matter what we can conceive any more. We’ve given up on that.” (Dennett, 374).

 I don’t like this idea. I need my transitional object—some kind of belief that I can hold onto–in order to thrive.

10/16/2019   After waking up this morning I lay in bed thinking for quite a spell. Stepping Stones  is on hold for now,  maybe forever. After reading so much of Dennett (see above) I thought of writing something called If You See a Robot on the Road — (After Sheldon Kopp) should be my title. 

10-17-19  Tor pg 322 – “Morris Berman labels this learning of the difference of oneself and  other people as ‘the basic fault’ in modern man’s view of  the world….The establishment of an inside and an outside is the trademark of consciousness–and the problem. “Up  to this point  [in life] all of us feel ourselves more or less continuous with the external environment.  Coming to consciousness means a rupture in that continuity , the emergence of a divide between Self and Other. With the thought “I am I” a new level of existence opens up for us” (Berman, 1990, Coming to Our Senses.)


10-18-19  I’ve ordered Poe’s book Eureka and also     Berman’s book Coming to Our Senses.

I reckon I’m a blog maverick.  I write what comes to mind, and that’s pretty unpredictable.  Altho I’m not a multiple, I do have a variety of predilections, and I’m embarassed catusually in a state of trying to get organized, and a number of my posts that I’d completely forgotten about originate in old discards on their way to the trash .  Tonight I found two sheets I’ll share: 25 Random Things About Me and Things I Love.  (This is because I deleted my earlier “Who is Nan Mykel?”)

Because I don’t want to take up too much room I’m going to list the 25 things without numerals, a kind of run-on:  Random Things About Me:

I played slot machines when I was little…An uncle shot himself in the foot in the Army…I fell in love at a Quaker conference…I like (love) ice cream…I has my appendix out…I love old hymns…I dislike most sea food…I was a safety patrol in the sixth grade…My father subscribed to The Daily Worker…I have Arthur Godfrey’s signature…I once vacationed at the Thousand Islands…I was once interrogated by the Military Intelligence…My mother eloped…I’m allergic to lanolin…My grandmother secretly read True Love Stories…I’m a closet chocoholic…I can’t swim…I once got so mad I held my breath until  I passed out… Once I rang the bell at Christmas for the Salvation Army…I took dancing lessons…I have a photo of my friend Laura and me with Pete Seeger…Once I drove the wrong car home from a parking lot…I used to love hearing my cousin play Paderewski…I have a sense of humor…I once worked in a state prison…I once fell in a neighbor’s sewer ditch and had to be given a bath…I was once number one on the Miami Jackson tennis team…I don’t feel like counting again, so I hope I’m not too far off.

Things I love…Babies of all kinds and species…Roses and their smell…Searching for sea shells and sharks’ teeth…Sunsets…Mysteries of the universe…All the pets I ever had…The sound of breaking waves…Trip to Bountiful…My family…A beautiful voice…Handsome women and rugged men…Rocks…Weeping cherry trees in bloom…The smell of earth after a heavy rain…Old gnarled trees…Flea markets…The smell of my grandfather’s pipe tobacco…Good books…writing…  making collages…scuppernongs and muscadines…archaeology digs…My grandmother Saa…

My son-in-law recently referred to me as “smart.”  I don’t think so.  I think the correct word is “quirky.”

10-19-2019  If my dates are a little off it’s because I thought today was Sunday, not Saturday…

No. 29 (continuing quotes and/or thoughts on the nonconscious — “…the symbol is the instrument with which the unconscious guides and rules the conscious.” p. 15,  “George Groddeck and His Teachings About Man’s Innate Need for Symbolization.”  Martin Grotjahn. Psychoanalytic Review V.  32, 1945.

30. “The unconscious expresses itself with the help of symbols , sends them into consciousness , and gives to the poet the material with which he builds his work.” Ibid, p 14.

I TAKE IT BACK–now I’m not sure what books I ordered.  Guess I’ll know when they arrive.  One book I just read about that looks interesting is Other Minds: The Octopus,the Sea and the Deep Origins of Consciousness  by Peter Godfrey Smith.

YEP, I see Stepping Stones is definitely off my agenda. Looks like  a Canadian Journalist has beaten me to it with his  book The Head Trip: Adventures on the Wheel of Consciousness by Jeff Warren.  He helps readers try to alter their own state of consciousness through lucid dreaming, meditation and various other approaches that don’t require drugs.  If I can get it through Interlibrary loan I’ll take a look.  

31. I see Fritjof Capra acknowledges  that “Spirituality or the spiritual life, is usually understood as a way of being that flows from a certain profound experience of reality, which is known as “mystical,”  “religious,” or “spiritual” experience.  These are described as moments of heightened aliveness.

32. Something that made sense to me was a reminder that for awhile before and after we are born we do not differentiate ourselves from our mother.  At a certain developmental age the infant realizes he is separate from her. I like to think that strains or memories of connectivity were real to us, and that at some level that experience is recorded deep in our memory.

I wish more bloggers felt comfortable in sharing their experiences.  I’m really interested in your experience and thoughts.  Somehow one can move over into “Conversations,” but I’m not too sure how that works. Today was the first that Word Press’s new posting system came upon me.   I forget now what I don’t understand about it…Next time…

10-20-2019  I remember now–I don’t understand any of it.   I just sent a private post to WordPress because I wanted to post an image on the Diary page.  I’m hopeful, but this will have to be my entry for today.

10-21-2019   An example of the nonconscious reaching out from my own experience:  At one point in my life I started waking up to see a huge spider positioned on the ceiling above my bed. I was in therapy at the time and realized the spider represented my father’s incestuous hands.  The spider never had to appear on the ceiling again.  I got the message.

10-22-2019 cant do. My editing system has disappeared. Can’t add an image, can’t change font size. Oh well, I’ll add one of my verses from TIME WRINKLES:


Grass has earthworms in her hair;

under the sod, I’ve seen them there.

Salt kills grass and so does pee.

I eat salt and it doesn’t kill me!

How can grass live after losing its head?

If I lost mine wouldn’t I be dead?

Maybe the mower cuts off her feet

While her head is buried down in the peat.

So that’s why lawn doesn’t move away;

they cut off her feet so she has to stay!


The above is not connected to my entry in any way–just an old drawing I did years ago.

DIARY ENTRY 10-27-2019 Not sure of the day, but know the year:

A little down today. Spent most of today and yesterday in bed (alone). I euthanized my dear blind deaf cat last year. I wonder if I’m not getting enough protein or fluids. My guess is–of all things–that I read (and believe it to be true) that the reason we eventually die of old age has to do with evolution’s setting our time clocks. The atoms in our body are totally renewed every 5 years, including those responsible for our our memories, etc., but when time’s up the immune system gets tired I guess and evolution draws the curtain. I just completed a book by Peter Godfrey-Smith called The Octopus, the Sea, and the Deep Origins of Consciousness (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2016), He wondered why “hummingbirds live until they are ten, rockfish till they are two hundred, bristlecone pines until they are thousands of years old, and [smart] octopuses until they are two?” And of course humans…

“The lifespan of different animals are set by their risks of death from external causes, by how quickly they can reach reproductive age, and other features of their lifestyle and environment.” (p 172). And it’s pretty well limited for humans, as for other life forms. Something about that is depressing. The unconscious can’t care about its “person” if it is an extension of evolution’s massive influence, reminiscent of a huge fleet of tanks sweeping everywhere. I guess my response reveals my childlike wish that “me and my unconscious” are a bonded pair. Sigh.

10/30/2019 Sorry this diary is turning out to be boring. I’m falling asleep also.11/25/19   Recovering from a response to the shingles vaccination.  I did a brave or foolish thing tonight.  I invited 12 people to join a dream discussion group to met weekly at my home.  Afraid none of them will accept.  It’s by invitation only to protect members from some –here I’m struggling for words–creeps? Too hungry, show-stopping members.  I feel badly about it but have experienced some folks who detract from a group, especially a support group.  Now we’ll see if any accept. My dreams have certainly been pushing me in this direction.

I just was reminded about the day Martin Luther King was asassinated, while reading a journal entry in an autobiography writing workshop at a Quaker Conference in Bowling Green years ago. In that workshop at one point we all shared memories of first hearing or experiencing the news of a major historical event.  In Atlanta we all knew and admired Martin Luther King’s family, especially his wife Coretta. Upon hearing of King’s asassination, my first response was of fear, possibly  stemming from the guilt I and many whites in the South shared.  This was of course mingled with sorrow and outrage..  The next day I learned that a close white neighbor of mine had immediately gone to Coretta King’s house to grieve with her and support her.I felt the familiar sense of inadequacy of not having responded in like manner, and in self-justification reminded myself  that I was not as close to the family as Jean had been.  Perhaps also I was not brave, and was experiencing  feelings of guilt for being white at such a time.  The blacks must have been shaken to the depths of heir collective unconscious  to have their beloved non-violent leader be felled by a white assassin.   I only looked on and cried, feared repercussions  and railed at the assassination from the solitude of my home in white Atlanta. 1-15-20  Word Press warns me that if I cling to the older method of entering material, things may look strange (those weren’t their words, but they did say “The page may look different if you continue to use the older method.)  

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