QUESTIONNAIRE BY ALEXA ABERCROMBIE ROSS
Please choose your best answer to the following questions.
- ) I was born
A – in the best country on earth
B – because someone took advantage of my mother’s drinking problem
C – to trouble as the sparks fly upward
D – and I will die
2.) I consider work
A – honorable no matter what the job is
B – fine for people who think they need to do it
C – slavery to the capitalist conspiracy
D – something no one I know can find
3) To me, religion is
A – the life you lead
B – just another money-making scheme
C – institutionalized guilt
D – old-fashioned and irrelevant
4) I consider government
A – society’s means of keeping order
B – a path to power and riches
C – a plot to take your money and curtail your freedom
D – boring on every level
5) Marriage is
A – the reason girls go to college
B – going out of style
C – legal servitude
D – no longer sacred since homosexuals got that right
6) Human beings’ purpose on earth is
A – to create more human beings
B – to pollute and deplete our natural resources
C – to exterminate all other species
D – to just die already
7) Education is
A – the hallmark of civilization
B – punishment for being a child
C – the only way to get out of Dodge
D – less fun than video games
8) The devil is
A – a mythological creature intent on evil
B – a bogeyman to frighten children
C – the owner of Mar-a-Lago, Florida
D – my lord and master
9) Sickness is an indication of
A – an imbalance in your body
B – caused by eating spoiled food
C – an excuse not to attend school or work
D – evidence of weak character
10) My greatest wish is
A – for peace on earth
B – a million dollars tax-free
C – for certain people to drop off the face of the earth
D – immortality
11) Before I die, I would like
A – to become famous and rich
B – to see a woman President of the United States
C – to reverse climate heating
D – immortality
12) I am most grateful
A – to own my own home
B – to be single and without a boss
C – to be human rather than an animal killed for meat, fur, or eyelashes
D – that my cats use the litter box
Thank you for participating in the survey.
If your answers were mostly (A), you are a sane and responsible citizen. If you answered (B), you need help. If (C), the authorities are on their way. If (D), how did you get hold of this survey?
In appreciation, we are offering you the chance to win a $1000 gift card to Walmart for answering just a few more questions.
Do you have life insurance?
- Is your vehicle under warranty?
- Are you in pain?
- Do you have debt?
- Would you like to save money by bundling
A – Your home, car and life insurance?
B – Your phone, cable and Internet?
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