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All posts for the month July, 2019

Thoughts–This ‘n That

Published July 30, 2019 by Nan Mykel

Sorry I’ve lost a few sources. If you know, I’ll add:

Horses go where the rider is facing. Look at where you want to go, not where you don’t want to go.

Putting people in trances is easier than keeping them out.

The Witness of the Waking State is so constant a presence in our lives that  it’s hard to stay aware of it…But it’s very important to learn to catch hold of and identify with the Witness of the Waking State because that changeless Witness is the One who makes it through the transition we call death….The detached spectator is the Witness of the Waking State. That Witness is who you actually are…Silently address yourself by your own name or he or she. It’s simple but it’s not easy…The “I”…is so full of itself and so used to starring in your show,,,,Getting that crucial distance from the emotional weather is what happens when we substitute the third-person pronoun or our own first name for that ever-captivating I.(I have a zerox page from the book on death by the author,  a Quaker widow. If anyone recognizes it please let me know.  I shouldn’t have let go of the book.).

It may be true that the unexamined life is not worth living but which is the best lens to use?

AWAITING COMPOST

Published July 29, 2019 by Nan Mykel

 

Profile: My current  (former?) profile says I’m not through growing yet. I’ve re-thought that.

When after an uncomfortable (well, some of it) thousand-mile trip you finally arrive at the end of the line only to realize your ticket was for the wrong destination, what then? Is it your imagination that someone whispers “Gotcha!”?

Despite what the scientists predict, my first organ to go was my heart. It turned to stone. My last surgeon said, showing my daughter my extracted mitral valve, it was hard as a pebble from a brook.  On to another, more current metaphor for me, while awaiting compost:

I am lying on a vast bed of empty metal ice maker cubes (remember, from the old refrigerators?), trying to be helpful I’m sure, someone puts such a tremendous pressure on me (steamroller?) that my body is now comprised of hundreds of cubes, almost like building blocks. Now I’m really ready for compost.

But wait just a f***ing minute! Building blocks! Like in the days of yore, before my post-partum depression at 83?  Whee!

                                                                                          nm 2015

Grief and Holidays:What the Bereaved Need From Friends and Family Reblog

Published July 28, 2019 by Nan Mykel

thelifeididntchoose

I know it is hard.  I know you don’t truly understand how I feel.  You can’t.  It wasn’t your child.

I know I may look and act like I’m “better”.  I know that you would love for things to be like they were:  BEFORE.  But they aren’t.

I know my grief interferes with your plans.  I know it is uncomfortable to make changes in traditions we have observed for years.  But I can’t help it.  I didn’t ask for this to be my life.

I know that every year I seem to need something different.  I know that’s confusing and may be frustrating.  But I’m working this out as I go.  I didn’t get a “how to” manual when I buried my son.  It’s new for me every year too.

So I’m trying to make it easier on all of…

View original post 672 more words

Imprisoned

Published July 28, 2019 by Nan Mykel

Touch the little bugs in the garden

and they will roll into tight balls.

The possum plays dead to the world,

and the turtle hides inside his shell.

And the man? Somebody is

in need of help, but he sits

there daring you to help,

a tough guy, inmate, con–

you name it.

His Mama’s baby boy. But he

don’t need no help. Just sits

there indifferent, on his bunk.

Tough guy. All alone

in the crowded dorm. His

Mama’s baby boy. Tough

turtle doing troubled time.

                                                                 nm 1986

The Jet Snake= A Re-blog from Oran’s Well

Published July 28, 2019 by Nan Mykel

A marvelous accomplishment! The metaphors, the energy, the information and the perfect visual image. I’m re-blogging. Thank you for your knowledge, talent and energy.

Oran's Well

sky serpents

New real. Rougher deal. The bent snake
with his awful coils jet-streams this climate roil.
Eighty nine degrees in Alaska. Denver snowing.
Fifty tornadoes hammering the Midwest..
The Missouri River cresting at 30 feet.
A hundred one degrees in Atlanta. And the
summer hasn’t even started—no Cat 5
hurricanes yet punch Miami’s lights out,
no wildfires tindering the mountains West.
Heat the world by one degree of C
and you get this battered, pissed-off snake.
We’ll double the increase in fifteen years,
treble it in fifty: And the coils will swell
to a dragon might needing no occasion
for belching hell’s cross-country flight.
Imagine the coming reigns of fire and flood
when air crashes through curved rapids.
When thrashing becomes the daily fraught
what wastelands will our hours become,
sanding bags against witched tides too tall.
What can love be in a digesting age,
when the snake devours us entire?

View original post 181 more words

What Do You Think?

Published July 27, 2019 by Nan Mykel

Although on July 12, 2019, at the bottom of the page on which “An ACOA’s Confession” appeared, I wrote:

“While continuing to try to continue organizing “my stuff”  I came across a passel of earlier poems.  I don’t know which have made their appearance in this blog and/or d’Verse, but I just felt like giving them a run-through again.  One a Day takes the —what was it?—away. Since I love my Media Library, I think I’ll add a random pix, also. (This must be what happens when you start getting old.)”

I decided this in part because my site has no stability–anything at all could be in the blog (and usually is).  So I decided that for a while at least (until the well runs dry) I could start including a different poem a day-either from my slush pile or maybe newborn.  Thing is, I haven’t been sharing the date written, which may cause someone to think I’m writing and publishing a new poem a day.

Now I feel kinda guilty about it.  What do you think? Am I misleading readers and should I include the date originally written?  I’d appreciate some feedback.

 

OLD SOLDIER

Published July 27, 2019 by Nan Mykel

He knew he was crochety.

He’d forgotten how to love.

His cane held him upright and

allowed him to kick at stones

along the winding path home.

He wanted for nothing but

stones to kick and maybe a

bone to pick once he arrived.

Being crochety was safe.

He knew it and they knew it,

and at night after supper

he could be found down

in his old soldier’s fox hole.

D’verse is good, Nan is bad

Published July 27, 2019 by Nan Mykel

Petru tells me I should apologize to my good friend D’Verse for suspecting them of cruelty to 83-year olds.  It’s true I’ve hit the skids, and somehow a miracle subsequently admitted me to Thursday’s Open Link Night, for which I thank them and apologize.   (I’d already taken down my Dark comments.)

Hugs

Psychic Reading 1972

Published July 26, 2019 by Nan Mykel

My last child was born in 1971, a Down Syndrome child with a terminal (at that time) mitral heart defect. Trying to make sense of this unexpected event which was traumatic to me (for years I couldn’t mention it publicly without crying), I sought out a psychic reading  in an attempt to make it fit into my experience of the world.  I just came across something I wrote about the reading, written three years later:

 

My aura is muddy with fear

the psychic said, three years ago,

as I sat hesitant before him,

searching out dim forces of my destiny.

A two-fold karmic mission

lies in wait for me, he said.

Mine to scale the heights of consciousness

and mine to loosen passive bonds.

Through action shall I free the captive

Soul of eons whose receptive mold has

fashioned the aura which I wear,

passive becoming active, opening up

my third eye and our third world

in a consciousness both higher and raised.

Today is Monday, June 30, 1975 AD.

Three years hence where shall I be?*

__________

The psychic reader was an official minister in his other role, and when my father subsequently died I asked if he would conduct the funeral service and include a “life reading” for him, so I could better understand why my father lived the life he had.

It was clear the psychic/minister was scandalized at the suggestion he bring his psychic activities into the church in a funeral.  I wondered how he put it all together in his head, or rather why he didn’t.

I reckon I’m going to have to work on freeing my captive soul the next time round.

(If nothing else works, a psychic reading can be briefly useful).

 

WADING IN A ROCKY STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS–for d’Verse

Published July 25, 2019 by Nan Mykel

I saw a Neanderthal in a pinafore…

Twice or more a year or so

my nose gets outta joint–

“The Roly Poly Poet”–I get no further

than that, you see, after so grand a title:

dead ends.

You poets out there know I’m sure

how sneaky words can pose a lure

in order to make you think

you’re on the very brink…

But some poems are dead ends,

never see the light of joyful welcome.

Sigh. We know it’s we who have

failed them.

Other poems  only lie on the dock

smelling fishy,,,

They do it  about twice a year now, as I said,

my words,  they want to play with me.

They jump into the dirt and roll, and

expect me to crawl in the mud after them–

which I do.  If I say thunder rattled

the window pane where does your mind

go next? I wrote a depressed poem called

“Down in the Mouth” and it was so bad

I wrote “Lighten Up,” both blessedly missing

from this diatribe.

“For shame, Alphonse,”

was my response when he suggested

a rendezvous–just we two. I got mad,

then sad, for though he was my sister’s

beau I always thought him cute, you know?

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