From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
Having been both classically and operantly conditioned to become aroused by deviant sex is a secret that hangs heavy on the heart of many victims of incest. Opening themselves to the possibility of sexual pleasure can be extremely difficult for survivors. As one woman said, “If positive sexuality is my right…I don’t think I want my right!” (Maltz and Holman 1987, 7). (p. 107)
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
Broken boundaries, loss of boundaries, incorporation, intrusion, invasiveness, the edges of my self were in tatters. My defenses were down. I was haunted. Not only was Daddy the master manipulator but also the stealthy intruder who entered my dreams in various guises. For some time I had dreamed of a huge spider, sometimes waking in the middle of the night to see it up on the ceiling over my bed. Then one day I saw the connection, with a flash of clarity: the spider was my father’s hand, its legs his fingers. With that recognition, the spider dreams stopped forever. [These dreams were decades after cessation of the incest.] I don’t believe I ever wrote that down in my journal. (p. 102)
FROM STEVEN PINKER’S The Blank Slate: p. 273
If only one person in the world held down a terrified, struggling, screaming little girl, cut off her genitals with a septic blade, and sewed her back up, leaving only a tiny hole for urine and menstrual flow, the only question would be how severely that person should be punished, and whether the death penalty would be a sufficiently severe sanction. But when millions of people do this, , instead of the enormity being magnified millions-fold, suddenly it becomes “culture,” and thereby becomes less, rather than more, horrible, and is even defended by some Western “moral thinkers,” including feminists.
What is your opinion?
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
If you, the reader, are a survivor, I invite you to reflect as you read this book, whether or not you are journaling. If you were abused, take a moment to introspect. How do you feel toward your perpetrator? Angry? Protective? Sorry for him? Hate? Affection? Regret that you told or didn’t tell? How frequently does he cross your mind, and what do you experience at those times? Have your feelings changed over time? How? Have you moved beyond anger? Or did you short-circuit your anger into a “flight into health?” Did you feel compelled to forgive him? Why? Are you in any kind of continuing relationship with him or did you escape the tendrils? I was surprised to learn that strong continuing feelings between victim and perpetrator are an acknowledged and normal response to incest. The feelings resonating within the bond are stirred together: love, pity, disgust, shame, fear, empathy, guilt. (p. 90).
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
Many”normal” men can can admire a nubile child but keep a safe distance. They can stay away from the quicksand of losing control. The quicksand is alive and bubbling, and emitting sucking sounds, ready to pull you down. Can you hear it? You don’t have to step in. You don’t have to go under. Isn’t it hell down there? Isn’t prison hell? A “normal” man–or one who is working on becoming normal–will run like the devil in the other direction, to save his hide and his soul. (p. 83)
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
If the above list reminds you of any vulnerabilities to reoffending, then you have a “growing edge” that you can work on. Ask yourself, honestly, whether you want to reoffend… Since you’re focussing on yourself now, in the privacy of your own mind, you can isolate those events and thoughts that lead to offending, and commit yourself to avoid them. (p. 81)
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
THE SECRET – The goal of grooming is not only to build the child’s trust, but also to ensure that she will keep the secret. At the moment of the incestuous assault, the victim not only has her lifelong schemas about the world trashed, but is given “the secret” to carry, hidden from everyone else in the world. Having the secret gives her the uninvited power to destroy the family and her father, and drives another wedge into the already troubled relationship with her mother. At that moment, with reality unraveling, keeping the secret means that she is now an accomplice. Carrying the secret adds to her sense of isolation and being different from everyone else. All the while, she is fighting the shame of her out-of-control body’s response. (p. 75)
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
I observed that it is not at all unusual for men with both sons and daughters to be convicted of molesting a daughter, while denying any molestation of a son. I suppose sons are more reluctant to report than daughters, feeling that it casts aspersions on their masculinity. When one man’s family (excepting the admitted victim) visited him in prison, the father made fun of the length of his son’s hair, and asked him if he wanted a bobby pin. The young man in question had been reported to be depressed and self-mutilating. Later, after I had queried the father, the son wrote a letter assuring me that his father had never molested him. (p. 68)
For d’Verse:
I WILL WRITE A DIFFERENT VERSE
…than the one running out of my ears,
streaming from beneath my spectacles,
filling my basin and potty:
O beautiful, for spacious skies,
for amber waves of grain!
No hand-wringing. Let’s pretend
freedom’s train is around the bend.
Let imagination have its way
and take us to a better day.
Amen.
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