On a path two


beings meet:

human animal and

animal animal.

Is one food

for the other?

Who will move

first, and where?

Whose fear is

that in the air?

Reason has instnct

by the throat, or

Is it the other way around?

Tethered by memories

of other meetings on

other paths, the two

step cautiously by.










































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Ha ha!

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Awaiting Compost

The original heading for this post was going to be “Plateau,” but then I saw that first line of my last “poem” and think it’s better.  This entry will touch upon several topics, so either bear with me or go away.

PROFILE : My current (former?) profile says I’m not through growing yet. I’ve re-thought that.

When after an uncomfortable (well, some of it) thousand-mile trip you finally arrive at the end of the line only  to realize your ticket was for the wrong destination, what then?  Is it your imagination that someone whispers “Gotcha!”?

Despite what the scientists predict,  my first organ to go was my heart. It turned to stone. My last surgeon said, showing my daughter my extracted mitral valve, it was hard as a pebble from a brook.  On to another, more current metaphor for me, while awaiting compost:

I am lying on a vast bed of empty ice maker cubes (remember, from the old refrigerators?) Trying to be helpful, I’m sure, someone puts such a tremendous pressure on me (steamroller?) that my body is now comprised of hundreds of cubes, almost like building blocks. Now I’m really ready to compost.

BUT WAIT JUST A F***ing MINUTE!  Building blocks! Like in days of yore, before my post-partum deression at 81!  Whee!





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Melon – d’Verse

Awaiting compost,

getting a headstart

in my kitchen.


Seeds hunkering

down, waiting for

their head start.

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What to do in absence of help in mental health (excerpt)


….So the choice is, accept help that is not going to work, or try it yourself.

Neither of this is really working. I have not a myself that is able to live on its own. It’s confusing life, based on mental health problems.

It is not, never your fault. Not your diagnoses’ fault. Having mental health problems is as if  you are trapped  in a deep well. Somewhere deep down you ask, you cry for help. You hope, someone up there would hear it. Down there you try to survive on your own. You try to see in the dark. You think about escaping the the deep well. You can even count the way up. You can calculate the time necessary to get out. But you do not have the rope, the ladder to get out. You would be able to climb all the way up, if they just let the ladder down….

So the key word is hope. Hope, that your life will ever change.

Because, every one with a mental health problem wants to get out. Nobody with mental health problems ever asked for this. But so often you are treated as if you decided one boring day to start a mental health problem….


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Yes ma’am. That’s why we write. Because it fucking hurts

Thank you, thank you…

Brave and Reckless

A deeply felt thank you to my dear friend Old Punk.  Your keen eye, wisdom, sense of humor, endless compassion and well-timed kicks in the ass mean more me than I can ever express.

I know that I apologize too much

for the things I say

for the things I write

for the things I do

for not caring enough

for caring too much

for bleeding a little too much

on the screen

for breathing

for existing

past the age of 30

which I never envisioned happening

and that I don’t feel that the universe

quite approves of

and may still demand retribution

I am trying to stop apologizing

for anything and everything

and instead start expressing my gratitude

when you listen

when you read my words

when you forgive my actions

accept the caring I do have to offer

hand me the bandages

allow me the space to breath

encourage me to keep existing

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Thessaloniki roadtrip – a re-blog

Simply joyously breathtaking…

kirilson photography

Venue: Blagoevgrad, Thessaloniki and around

Lens: Sigma 35 mm f/1.4

Music: Christos Kyriazis – Epimeno (

Thessaloniki, or as Bulgarians call it Solun, is the main city in North Greece and is only a 4-5 hour drive away from Sofia. This makes it a perfect long weekend destination for Bulgarians that want to enjoy some great sea views and food. Strangely enough I myself had never spent much time in Thessaloniki and I’m glad I had the chance to go there in the first days of spring. The population of Thessaloniki is a bit less than a million people making it very lively and culturally eventful place that in the same time is not too big to be hard to navigate around. It is a typical Mediterranean city that reminded me a bit of Naples and Barcelona, but with the slight twist added by its position on the Balkan peninsula. Probably most importantly of all (for our purposes here) Thessaloniki is just amazingly…

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