Planned Obsolescence

While I understand that we’re all part of the Universe’s “Planned Obsolescence” blueprint,  and I know my pig valve and cow valve must be getting rusty, I want to say that today time has been on my side, for at least a little while.  More than a year and half ago when I sustained a compression fracture from lifting a heavy terra cotta giraffe off my counter, and more recently  totalled my car and gave up driving, I felt time was gobbling me up.  But now, today, I can say that I’m somewhat my old self again, without pain but just a little short on energy.  But to feel like time is still a little bit on my side is really awesome, as the new generation would say.

 

 

About Nan Mykel

I used to think I would be a child prodigy, but then I got old. Formerly I had fantasies of rubbing elbows with cultural and academic leaders but that did not come to pass because I did not become a cultural or academic leader or any other kind of leader, for that matter. I am not even an "Alpha Dog," a term learned from a friend who had to become "Alpha Dog" in order to influence her own pet. (When gazes lock, she never looks away.) For years I expected to become a published author, but in passing I could not avoid the fact that I had little to contribute to the world's bulging dumpsters. I'm embarrassed to report that I also considered my primary process artistic productions powerful, rather than mildly neurotic. Which is not to say that I disrespect myself, only that I am beginning to doubt my potential for making a mark on the world. If I focus on strict self discipline I may be able to keep my garbage removed on a weekly basis, to keep the kitty box changed, the clothes cleaned, the dog watered, fed and walked, but that just catches me up to the starting mark again. When writing I physically grapple with words, wrestling them from their indifference into attempted chunks of awareness. I sit heavily on my chair; I breathe in artificially cooled air; my ear drums note the tap tap of the keyboard and the steady uninterrupted sound of the air conditioner, What is that sound? The roar of the ocean from 30 yards away...Inside, my thoughts are are balls in an electronic game machine, bouncing hither and yon from lever to lever. I am a little grim and intent until I recall a dream related by a black man in the prison where I once worked. He said that when he was a small boy, back home, he dreamed he was standing on his front porch pissing, and that he suddenly found himself pissing stars...
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9 Responses to Planned Obsolescence

  1. Awesome Sauce!

    I turned 65 last month, a few days before my granddaughter graduated from Harvard Extension School. In my soul, I don’t feel any older than my granddaughter. This is the best time of my life, so far. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    • bethanyk says:

      I learn something new every day! I thought you were my age…46…but then again I had no idea that Nan was 80!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nan Mykel says:

        Like 82 now….Thanks

        Like

      • In my heart, I feel like I am still in my 20s. But my grandchildren are all in their 20s! I have a 5-year-old great-grandson, and his grandfather, my oldest child, will be 47 in August. It doesn’t seem possible that I could be this old! Except when I go to get up out of my chair after weeding in the yard for a couple of hours. Then I feel like I am at least 100!

        I have to tell you, Bethany, I have felt bad many times, thinking about your parents, knowing that they are probably around my age, and wondering why in the *H* don’t they know any better than to treat you the way they do. There is no excuse for it. But YOU are wise, way beyond your years. ((HUG))

        Like

      • bethanyk says:

        Well I’m 46 and so you could be the age of my mom. Wow. Damn. Why couldn’t you have been my mom. Or why coudln’t my mom just be like you! And change! Some days I am sadder than others about that. When I get a great photo I want her to see it and be proud. When I drive or walk further than I never thought I could or when I then am trying to battle the pain I wish I had her to cheer me on. But she wouldn’t and hasn’t and that makes me incredibly sad. All I wanted her to do was love me as I am. That was it.
        Thank you for thinking of me and wishing better for me.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Fantastic post my friend.

    Like

  3. bethanyk says:

    You’ve been through a lot. I’m so glad your pain is down!

    Like

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