Is the Blogosphere Competitive? Are People? Am I?

Published June 15, 2017 by Nan Mykel

I’ve decided my blog is too eclectic. My pages aren’t, but they’re usually by-passed anyway. My problem I think is that I write what I’m intrested in, and I have too wide a variety of interests for one blog. I’m also 81 and that’s not too cool, (I myself get dreadfully impatient with fumbling old folks like myself). Since you know I’m an incest survivor and you may not be, that’s a turn-off, especially since I seem to insist on reblogging tough tales. Downs Syndrome is not a funny topic–that’s why I have a separate page for it that is almost never visited. That’s ok. I’m just taking care of my own needs there.

My About page touts me as having a sense of humor, but it’s hard to fake unless it turns into sarcasm, and I swore off that years ago. About competitiveness: I’ve come across a lovely Christian lady’s blog who appears to be my age, and she’s cheery and loving and all those things I’m not.

I”d hate to see my stats alongside hers. Either I discover a level way to attract followers or resign myself to an incidental. Incidental! That’s not what I wanted to grow up/old to be! Another disadvantage s that I’m not in a sexual relationship nor ever will be. There go about half the poetry topics. And I’m lowdown fat, so cooking leaves me out. The other day I sampled some philosopical blogs and discovered I’ve lost about half my vocabulary, if I ever possessed so erudite a one.

I could fill this blog with all my pages and stories of errors in judgment, embarrassing things I have done (shudder), boo boos and downright thoughtless and selfish things I’ve done, but I don’t think that would increase my readership.

Why do I want readers? First, because everyone else has more than me (that’s where the competitive strain comes in). Second, I do crave contact and exchange of ideas. There’s been a hole in my life ever since I finished psychology graduate school that’s never really been filled. It’s the back and forth I crave, I think. I’d fall asleep in class being lectured to for an hour or two, not to mention the dread of slight discomfort getting there and back.

SO I SHOULD RE-TITLE THIS blog Complain Complain Complain, another kind of blog I try and avoid myself. I’m not seeking reassurance from my relatives and blogging friends, so please don’t provide reassurance. Just let me pout a little while and I;ll reappear with all smiles. Did you ever catch mood swings like mine?

Are we real or fairy stories?

Published June 14, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Is evolution a sop to the belief that the world makes sense? Why do research findings peter out out after awhile? Discoveries often turn to sand, slip through our fingers, and are non-replicable. It is well known that man is a maker of narrative stories that help him explain to himself what transpires in this world. Reality may be benevolent or malevolent or disinterested or non existent. Belief in Free will and the soul/self are falling into disrepute. Time as we experience it is deemed a misperception. I recall one day in the peception lab in college suddenly envisioning science as the garden path that leads no- where except around the bend into the grave. Maybe that’s why we die so young; the garden path needs to accompany us to our grave. Should it run out prior to the grave, then the individual, robbed of his own carefully nursed narrative before the story’s ending sans comfort or without heaven–or without anything–might be troubled!

Don’t get upset. It’s not that I really believe this; I just don’t know what to believe.

Paleontologists search for reality under the soil, with shovels or trowels or screens with tiny holes. Reality in a frog’s world is limited to only creepy crawly serving portions. Freud’s fairy tales about women were full of hysterics. Everywhere I look examples proliferate.

Naturally our self image is at the mercy of our fairy tales. Don’t worry about me. I’m probably just being postpartum–I mean post-menopausal–I mean post-PTSD,

This photo is to show I’m not mean and quarrelsome all the time.

A taste of “Oh! Take a shit, read a story” – My Mother on Flash Fiction :

Published June 13, 2017 by Nan Mykel

About

About us:

On his way to Russia, Ben fell out of the airplane directly on top of Nikita. Ben used to be a writer and Nikita used to be an artist, but the remaining number of barely workable limbs were only enough to make one body.

So, Ben and Nikita sit, stitched together, paralyzed, and in agony. Unable to give up their joy of creating art, they use the money made from suing the airline to pay a small Russian boy named Sasha to write and draw for them based on the pain-medication induced hallucinations they suffer through each day.

Our Challenge: (Began October 17, 2016)

Each day, Ben writes a flash fiction story, sends it to Nikita, he draws a picture based on the story. Our goal is to do this for 365 days. One story, one picture, per day for one year. So far, so good

Be aware of this site: Just thought you’d like to know

Published June 13, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Welcome to the Sibling Survivors Site!

By WebMaster | January 4, 2015 | Information

4 Comments

The Sibling Survivors of Suicide Loss site aims to provide a safe place for anyone who has lost a sister or brother to suicide. It’s a place to share memories, discuss your feelings and experiences, and to share photos. It’s a place to connect with others who also miss their sister or brother.

The site was created in 2001 by Michelle Linn Gust. She passed the site on to the POS-FFOS Internet Community in November of 2014. It officially re-opened on January 4, 2015.

We invite you to explore the site and participate. We need you; help us make this site a safe and supportive place for other sibling survivors. You can participate by Creating a Guest Post, sharing an Inspirational Thought or Message, or Writing a Letter to your Sibling. Please see those pages for more information.

Sibling Survivors is maintained by volunteers from the Parents of Suicides (POS) and Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) Internet Community and others. Learn more about these groups on the About Us page.

WhatswrongwithMom

Published June 13, 2017 by Nan Mykel

April 27, 2017whatswrongwithmomAnxiety, Depression, Loneliness, marriage, Parenting, PTSD

I think it will require a few postings to empty myself of all this sadness. So in my fuzzy-brained state, I am trying to measure just how depressed I am and all I can come up with is more than usual. A lot more than usual. And I know exactly what got me here, but I cannot tell how deep into the sadness I am. So I’ve called this posting Part 1 because I’m pretty sure they’ll at least be a Part 2. And maybe more…(Visit site for more)

Try explaining suicide to children (a reblog).

Published June 13, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Did this cause you to quit blogging? Touching material. Hope you’re still blogging somewhere.

From:    S
Date:    Friday, September 06, 2002 09:00To:      JSubject:

Oh J,

Life just doesn’t get any more fucked up than this.

Barry’s mother killed herself on Tuesday morning.

It’s all so strange, I’m struggling to understand any of it. The phone rang just after 3am, phone is on Barry’s side of the bed, he answered it, groggy and said “Hello, Oh, Yes, I understand. Yes, ok.” and he hung up.

I asked who it was, he said Paul [his step-father]. I asked what on earth does he want at 3am?”Mum just killed herself” he said as he rolled over and went to sleep! I thought I’d misunderstood – I shook him and he repeated himself. J, I was so shocked. I didn’t understand what had happened, I didn’t understand his response, I didn’t understand if it was real. I asked him to please get up. He said “No” that we’d “Deal with it in the…

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Early Haiku Attempts (6-13-17)

Published June 13, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Trump

frog eyelids slide shut

the splash of a hungry fish

dawn and night reverse

________________

Life in a Mirror

the ocean stands up

burble of creek on pebbles

the crabs are crabby

____

I didn’t know not to title them.

Do You Meet These Criteria?

Published June 12, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Back when I was researching my book I was surprised to learn that the definition of dissociation stretches all the way from “spacing out,” “reduced responsiveness,” “de-realization,” “de-personalization,” “disengagement,” “lost time” and “out-of-the-body-experiences”, all the way to what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, (now DID), and points in-between. What surprised me most was that even with this liberal definition of dissociation, Briere and Runtz (1988) were able to discriminate between college women who had been sexually abused and those who had not.

That’s when I began to look back over my life with new eyes, and recalled a missed opportunity for communication when my aunt asked me if I thought incest offenders should be put in prison. I realize I went inside myself and never answered her.

Briere describes spacing-out behavior and disengagement as withdrawal into a state of affective neutrality, “where thoughts and awareness of external events are, in a sense, put on hold. Most periods of disengagement are relatively brief, ranging from seconds to several minutes, and the depth of dissociation is usually quite shallow” (1992, 37-38).

anatomy lesson (20170611)-A reblog

Published June 12, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Great, fulfilling metaphor! Love the final lines, and “leave out the heart or the brain. You can’t have them both working at the same time.” A reblog.

Words and Feathers

i have taken myself
apart like those model kits
you know, the visible man

he had transparent skin
and you could see his skeleton
and organs but not his state
of mind
[though there was a small
pink brain in the tiny skull]

i open up
split in half
my body
an invisible canopic jar
pull out the spleen
the liver
the lungs
put them back
the wrong way
see if the plumbing still
works

leave out the heart
or the brain
you can’t have them both
working at the same time
instinct [which boils down
to what you want
and what you don’t want]
or reason
[but the brain is already
rubbish at that–did you
see the gorilla on the court?]

spleen
who the hell needs that
leave it out
when i shut the lid
on this transparent coffin
this brittle, see-through skin

i have less to worry about

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An Apology: Dissociation?

Published June 11, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Many years ago (as in 20) I was in a “dream group” with one other person, who would stop by my house to discuss our dreams. For some external reason it was to be our last session. I felt on a friendly basis with her, but recently I ran into her at a public gathering and while she nodded at me she avoided eye contact, and the greeting wasn’t nearly as friendly as I would have expected. I belong to a brown bag luncheon group now and as I was leaving the hostess asked if I knew ___ and I said yes and she replied that the woman had asked if I was going to be in attendance that day. Interesting, but the fact is that, possibly in response, she chose not to attend that day.

I can only guess that my mild dissociative tendencies had kicked in after she related a dream and my failure to respond was noticeable and interpreted as specious. It was a sensitive dream and I didn’t know what to say and I think I withdrew and she felt exposed. I can’t use my mild tendency to dissociate as an excuse because it’s so amorphous. I’m recalling another possible example when I called a friend who then told me her father had just died, and I went silent, reflecting, I think. But she didn’t let me off the hook and lit into me for not responding. I apologized and told her that if she could have seen my face she should would know that I was responding, but…

Has anyone else experienced this kind of difficulty?