How little we know each other! I’m reblogging.
Nan
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All child abuse is wrong, or not all of it?
Published May 3, 2017 by Nan MykelWow…
Reaching Out – Excerpted re-blog
Published May 3, 2017 by Nan MykelIt doesn’t matter – Yes it does!
What you do matters. What you want matters. How you feel matters.
I’m ready to start my list and I figured out why it is so difficult. Remember those stuck points from cognitive processing therapy? It seems I am still stuck, big time, on a major one.
“It doesn’t matter” or, related but even bigger,”I don’t matter”
Those two thoughts run rampant in my head, causing downward spirals into negative thinking, but even worse, causing numbness, thoughts of worthlessness, causing my protective shields to go up full force and dissociation to engage.
How do I get past this one when it is so huge? I need to build off those sparks I wrote about previously. Those moments when life sneaks through and I do feel something. I must be in here. And then I parent myself. What if my daughter had no desires? What if she thought it didn’t matter what she wanted? What if she thought she didn’t matter?
Okay. Wow. That hurts, unbelievably so. To even imagine for a moment another child having these thoughts is unbearably painful and brings tears to my eyes. But for me – for me it is truth. Okay. So this is how I will get my motivation and feel something, and get my head on straight. I’ll tap into this pain, because this pain is feeling alive. This pain brings me strength as it washes over me and I realize if only for a moment that if my beautiful children matter, then I must have to. I must still matter. It is just so hard to hold onto that. And now I know I matter most because I have taught my children they do matter. They know it in every cell. They will never question it or hear this in their heads. And I matter to Hubby. I now understand his pain when I say I don’t. Wow. Okay.
So if I take that realization, that raw emotion, my inner strength – how do I make a list of what I want? This is still really hard….
My horrible, messed up, insane brain – a reblog
Published May 3, 2017 by Nan MykelGlad you care about others on the internet. So do I. Visit me too?
Possible TW: suicide ideation, and general crazy thinking
I have been trying to figure out why I haven’t been on here for a long time. I tried to make excuses (I’m needing to move towards making ‘real’ friends out in the ‘real’ world, I don’t know what’s really going on inside my head so how can I put it into words, etc) but they kept just being excuses. Maybe the truth is I have learned to care for fellow bloggers and I was 1) afraid of contaminating others 2) wanting to please everyone and try to act healthy, which I am far from right now.
When I read others posts where they say “I had a good day…I wasn’t suicidal” my first thought, for a very long time now, has been “that is not my idea of a good day”. I wake up every day wanting to be suicidal, searching…
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WOULD YOU BELIEVE THIS!
Published May 3, 2017 by Nan Mykel
The Trump administration is discontinuing a signature girls education initiative
championed by former first lady Michelle Obama, according to officials.
The “Let Girls Learn” program, which she and President Barack Obama started in 2015 to facilitate educational opportunities for adolescent girls in developing countries, will cease operation immediately, according to an internal document obtained by CNN.
The above from CNN news., about this nasty, retributive man.
Did you ever see this photo:
Ravitch on Kucinich and Charter Schools
Published April 29, 2017 by Nan MykelKucinich, who served 16 years in Congress, was Cleveland mayor in the late 1970s, and ran for president in 2004 and 2008, plans to hold town hall-style forums across the state in Centerville, Columbus, Parma, and Elyria Monday through Thursday. He kicked it off by talking to reporters at the Ohio statehouse.
“When state revenue for public schools decreases because of money which goes to private for-profit charters, public school officials must make up the difference by asking local property taxpayers for more money,” Kucinich said. “It represents a deliberate, destructive undermining of the public education of Ohio’s children. What is our educational philosophy today? Let for-profit corporations exploit the mass of children by controlling the state government?”
“With that last line, he was referring to state legislators “who have accepted millions of dollars in campaign contributions from charter-school operators, notably William Lager of the Electronic Classroom of Tomorrow and David Brennan of White Hat Management,” according to the Columbus Dispatch….
According to a report released in advance of DeVos’ visit, since the 2012-2013 school year, $3,744,988 in state funding originally meant for children attending Van Wert County’s local public schools “has instead gone to privately run brick-and-mortar and online charter schools.” In turn, said the report from Innovation Ohio, “local taxpayers in Van Wert…have had to subsidize these larger state payments to charter schools to the tune of $1.4 million—money that should have supplemented the larger state aid amount but is now being used to subsidize poorer performing, privately run charter schools.”
Excerpt from dianeravitch.com 4/29/07
Aww…Missed Thursday Limericks! d’Verse
Published April 29, 2017 by Nan MykelThere once was a lady named Myrtle
whose body was shaped like a turtle
But no one knew
Except the few
Who helped her into her girdle.
IF I SHOULD DIE WHILE I’M AWAKE – for d’Verse
Published April 20, 2017 by Nan MykelIf I should die while I’m awake
will I go seeking absolution,
dragged down by the shackles
of sin in my swollen belly, or
ship out soundlessly from my berth
into the eternal matrix
where sins are but a fleet of
rubber duckies?
Refreshing
Published April 19, 2017 by Nan MykelAs I was cleaning out some genealogical papers, I came across one I had forgotten about, and in this day and age I found refreshing:
A notice from the Henry County Bulletin years ago:
The Poet for Councilman
To the Voters of the Town of Martinsville
Two years ago as you well know
The ticket bore my name
And if you scratched it off or not
I thanked you just the same
Again I ask for your support
Not that I claim to be
A better man than others are
For all of you know me
But promising to ever stand
For what is just and true
I will simply sign my name
And leave results with you.
Yours to serve,
J. L. Minter
The Shoe Maker
Guns and Roses
Published April 17, 2017 by Nan MykelShannon took videos of the International Street Fair yesterday, in Athens, Ohio, for Public Access Television. I was asleep when she got back and she didn’t wake me, so I don’t know how it went. I saw in the paper today, however, that at the happy international festivities 5 out-of-towners visited the fair bearing unconcealed weapons and smiles. A city policeman was on their heels the entire time. The visitors seemed to think that it was an act of overt goodwill and an opportunity for discussion, but I declare I wonder about their judgment. I seriously wonder if men would be so attached to their guns if they were not phallic symbols? Maybe the entire hoo-haw relates back to castration anxiety?
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