ENVY

Published November 30, 2019 by Nan Mykel

Envy is a no-no word, harsher than jealous.  When I feel envy I admit to myself that I have failed, and I think I feel more anger than when I feel jealous.  Jealousy feels more childish, or adolescent.  Envious reaches the stage of gnashing teeth, a dark corner  to plot revenge in, and the garbage can–no, sewer pot.

Does it also carry with it a dislike of the person envied?  I’m just exploring my id, you see.  I can’t easily imagine feeling envy of someone I like and enjoy.  I’ve decided (now) that envy may be the most multi-leveled and torturous emotion of all.  Hate is clean and honest in comparison.

At least feeling envious leads me to my dashboard to reflect.

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