Flypaper Thoughts

Today I could talk straight through until I die and not tell you half my thoughts, history and fellow travelers. None great but I was there and lived it all.  So much, all the time.  Little things, big feelings–I am an Indian mound full of artifacts, a wrapped present on Christmas morning, full of surprises, not all good.  These atypical thoughts will leave me, but here they are for you to see, caught on my flypaper.

Moon casts her shadows

A plop sounds in the old creek

Night birds croon their songs

And I sleep…

Image:Ruth Scribbles.com

About Nan Mykel

I used to think I would be a child prodigy, but then I got old. Formerly I had fantasies of rubbing elbows with cultural and academic leaders but that did not come to pass because I did not become a cultural or academic leader or any other kind of leader, for that matter. I am not even an "Alpha Dog," a term learned from a friend who had to become "Alpha Dog" in order to influence her own pet. (When gazes lock, she never looks away.) For years I expected to become a published author, but in passing I could not avoid the fact that I had little to contribute to the world's bulging dumpsters. I'm embarrassed to report that I also considered my primary process artistic productions powerful, rather than mildly neurotic. Which is not to say that I disrespect myself, only that I am beginning to doubt my potential for making a mark on the world. If I focus on strict self discipline I may be able to keep my garbage removed on a weekly basis, to keep the kitty box changed, the clothes cleaned, the dog watered, fed and walked, but that just catches me up to the starting mark again. When writing I physically grapple with words, wrestling them from their indifference into attempted chunks of awareness. I sit heavily on my chair; I breathe in artificially cooled air; my ear drums note the tap tap of the keyboard and the steady uninterrupted sound of the air conditioner, What is that sound? The roar of the ocean from 30 yards away...Inside, my thoughts are are balls in an electronic game machine, bouncing hither and yon from lever to lever. I am a little grim and intent until I recall a dream related by a black man in the prison where I once worked. He said that when he was a small boy, back home, he dreamed he was standing on his front porch pissing, and that he suddenly found himself pissing stars...
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6 Responses to Flypaper Thoughts

  1. jilldennison says:

    Ahhhhh … sleep. If only. 😲

    Like

    • Nan Mykel says:

      You have trouble sleeping? I forget–I’m on a C-pap.

      Liked by 1 person

      • jilldennison says:

        These days, either my mind won’t shut down and I’m awake until daylight, else I go to sleep out of sheer exhaustion and waken 5-10 times a night with night terrors. Dark circles are now a permanent fixture under my eyes. Funny, but it wasn’t this way until Trump came on the scene. 😉

        Like

      • Nan Mykel says:

        I think a problem is that we can really get good ideas when trying to sleep. I recall just quitting trying to work on things and let it all go, and that worked for me. Right now when I can sleep whenever I want day or night, I let myself have an irregular schedule. But I’m never unable to sleep! I also began watching the images that formed with my eyes closed, and that may have helped too.

        Liked by 1 person

      • jilldennison says:

        True, which is why I keep a notepad and pen by my bedside, so I can jot down those really good ideas that popped into my head as I was about to drift off. But sometimes my thoughts are more along the lines of “oh heck, I forgot to _______________ fill in the blank. And then I lie awake and fret. Or, if my mind drifts to something that Trump or one of his cronies have done, the anger builds and before long I might just as well turn the light back on, pick up my book and read ’til I’m calm again. As I get older, somehow I seem to manage on less sleep, but about once a week it catches up with me and I sleep a full 7-8 hours.

        Like

  2. Nan Mykel says:

    I’m glad it catches up with you!

    Like

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