ONE PARAGRAPH PER CHAPTER – Chapter 9: The Trauma Bond

Published January 29, 2017 by Nan Mykel

From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:

If you, the reader, are a survivor, I invite you to reflect as you read this book, whether or not you are journaling. If you were abused, take a moment to introspect. How do you feel toward your perpetrator? Angry? Protective? Sorry for him? Hate? Affection? Regret that you told or didn’t tell? How frequently does he cross your mind, and what do you experience at those times? Have your feelings changed over time? How? Have you moved beyond anger? Or did you short-circuit your anger into a “flight into health?” Did you feel compelled to forgive him? Why? Are you in any kind of continuing relationship with him or did you escape the tendrils? I was surprised to learn that strong continuing feelings between victim and perpetrator are an acknowledged and normal response to incest. The feelings resonating within the bond are stirred together: love, pity, disgust, shame, fear, empathy, guilt. (p. 90).

ONE PARAGRAPH PER CHAPTER – Chapter 8: A Metaphor

Published January 29, 2017 by Nan Mykel

From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:

Many”normal” men can can admire a nubile child but keep a safe distance. They can stay away from the quicksand of losing control. The quicksand is alive and bubbling, and emitting sucking sounds, ready to pull you down. Can you hear it? You don’t have to step in. You don’t have to go under. Isn’t it hell down there? Isn’t prison hell? A “normal” man–or one who is working on becoming normal–will run like the devil in the other direction, to save his hide and his soul. (p. 83)

ONE PARAGRAPH PER CHAPTER – Chapter 7: Will I Do It Again?

Published January 29, 2017 by Nan Mykel

From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:

If the above list reminds you of any vulnerabilities to reoffending, then you have a “growing edge” that you can work on. Ask yourself, honestly, whether you want to reoffend… Since you’re focussing on yourself now, in the privacy of your own mind, you can isolate those events and thoughts that lead to offending, and commit yourself to avoid them. (p. 81)

BLOWING SOAP BUBBLES

Published January 28, 2017 by Nan Mykel

soap-bubbles-1451092__340

BLOWING SOAP BUBBLES

So lovely,

so fragile

what more can

one say?

ONE PARAGRAPH PER CHAPTER – Chapter 6: Modus Operandi

Published January 28, 2017 by Nan Mykel

From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:

THE SECRET – The goal of grooming is not only to build the child’s trust, but also to ensure that she will keep the secret. At the moment of the incestuous assault, the victim not only has her lifelong schemas about the world trashed, but is given “the secret” to carry, hidden from everyone else in the world. Having the secret gives her the uninvited power to destroy the family and her father, and drives another wedge into the already troubled relationship with her mother. At that moment, with reality unraveling, keeping the secret means that she is now an accomplice. Carrying the secret adds to her sense of isolation and being different from everyone else. All the while, she is fighting the shame of her out-of-control body’s response. (p. 75)

ONE PARAGRAPH PER CHAPTER – Chapter 5: Hurdles in Treatment

Published January 27, 2017 by Nan Mykel

From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:

I observed that it is not at all unusual for men with both sons and daughters to be convicted of molesting a daughter, while denying any molestation of a son. I suppose sons are more reluctant to report than daughters, feeling that it casts aspersions on their masculinity. When one man’s family (excepting the admitted victim) visited him in prison, the father made fun of the length of his son’s hair, and asked him if he wanted a bobby pin. The young man in question had been reported to be depressed and self-mutilating. Later, after I had queried the father, the son wrote a letter assuring me that his father had never molested him. (p. 68)

I Will Write a Different Verse…

Published January 26, 2017 by Nan Mykel

For d’Verse:

I WILL WRITE A DIFFERENT VERSE

…than the one running out of my ears,

streaming from beneath my spectacles,

filling my basin and potty:

O beautiful, for spacious skies,

for amber waves of grain!

No hand-wringing. Let’s pretend

freedom’s train is around the bend.

Let imagination have its way

and take us to a better day.

Amen.

A QUIZ FROM TREATMENT-CHAPTER (p. 59)

Published January 26, 2017 by Nan Mykel

From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:Mary and her husband live on the south bank of a river. Her husband wants her to stay at home and not cross the river to the town. She wants to go to town. There is a bridge across the river, but men have been robbing and killing people who cross the bridge, and Mary’s husband won’t give her money for the ferry. Mary begins saving the grocery money for the ferry and crossing the river to town on the ferry while her husband is away. Finally, she meets a man in town and takes him as a lover. She crosses the river more frequently and he gives her money to get back home. He gets mad at her one day and refuses to give her the return fare home. She asks the ferryman to let her charge the return trip but he refuses, saying it is against company policy. Finally, she crosses the bridge and is killed.

Q- Whose fault is it that Mary was killed? (Answer on Feb. 1).

I’d like to give credit for the above but it was shared by so many presenting at training conferences I don’t have it.

Take a deep breath before you read this one

Published January 25, 2017 by Nan Mykel

WASHINGTON, DC - JANUARY 06: Oklahoma Attorney General and President-elect Donald Trump's nominee to head the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), Scott Pruitt, meets with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), on Capitol Hill January 6, 2017 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images) — Scott Pruitt is nominated to head the Environmental Protection Agency

No press releases will be going out to external audiences.

No social media will be going out. A Digital Strategist will be coming on board to oversee social media. Existing, individually controlled, social media accounts may become more centrally controlled.

No blog messages.

No new content can be placed on any website. Only do clean up where essential.

And while the flow of information out of the EPA has been locked down, it’s far more than press releases that have ceased to flow.

EPA staff has been instructed to freeze all its grants ― an extensive program that includes funding for research, redevelopment of former industrial sites, air quality monitoring and education, among other things ― and told not to discuss this order with anyone outside the agency, according to a Hill source with knowledge of the situation.

ONE PARAGRAPH PER CHAPTER – Chapter 4: Treatment

Published January 25, 2017 by Nan Mykel

The field of sex offender treatment is still young and was in its infancy in 1986, when our program began. As staff we diligently read master pockets and took lengthy histories, searching for etiological clues that might suggest the best treatment approaches. We turned to the research, the professional literature and professional organizations, even became clinical members of the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers. We attended annual conferences. We ordered books, had a victims’ group visit the program, attended training workshops, watched Oprah and Geraldo, and developed a mneumonic device to aid the overlearning of child sexual abuse. We came to realize that we could not think in terms of a cure for sex offending, only of decreasing the likelihood that the men would reoffend.

	petrujviljoen on HELPING, NOT HURTING
	Here goes \| NANMYKEL… on Here goes
	Dr. John Persico Jr. on Here goes
	Nan Mykel on So that’s what happened,…
	Nan Mykel on HELPING, NOT HURTING

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BLOWING SOAP BUBBLES

So lovely,

so fragile

what more can

one say?

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