Alcoholism

All posts in the Alcoholism category

An ACOA’s Confession

Published April 27, 2018 by Nan Mykel

This old violin has lost

some of her strings

and like many an ACOA*

she’s filled to the brim

with lizards and things

but mainly her stuffing is jello.

When I awoke in the night

and turned on the light

I prayed (to the Universe)

that today would be free

in its entirety of fight.

___

*Adult Children of Alcoholics

He Adored Her All His Life

Published September 24, 2017 by Nan Mykel

Spoiler:  Tragedy

She listened well, very well.

When he was drunk, she could

put him back on track. He was

so full of himself  (aka her) that

one day when he stepped on her

she stuck to the bottom of his

shoe.  He saw her in his d.t.’s

and never knew  she was there

so close, just squished, still out of

sight,  carried through life on the bottom

of his smelly old shoe. It’s called

trauma bonding. Avoid it if you can.

Gestalt Goodbye to My Abuser

Published February 25, 2016 by Nan Mykel

(Gestalt Goodbyes include appreciatons,  resentments, and regrets.)

Things that I appreciated  about you, Daddy:  your encouraging me to write creatively; your encouraging me to draw; your teaching me and coaching me to play tennis; your intelligence and lively mind; your sense of humor , and the day I left my homework at home and you chased the city bus downtown to give it to me.

Things I resented  about you: your lack of work ethic; your lying in bed all the time you were home; your sense of entitlement –it seemed you thought the world owed you a lot that you really didn’t deserve; the way you treated Mother; your molesting me; your scrambling my mind with conflicting messages about sex and life; your lack of insight into your problems; your being willing to subject the family to your alcoholic lifestyle; your insising I return home when I had the chance at a much better life with my maternal grandparents; you frightening me when you straggered through the house.

Things I regret: that you remained a weak victim of your father’s molestation; that you suffered and did not become a father I could respect;  that you gave up on yourself and tried to live your life through me. I’m afraid that covers it all. Goodbye to you and all that.

Reprinted from FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders.

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