I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN…

In order to respond to a recent blog posting by a survivor,  I got out a book I wrote and published in 2014, and re-read it.  Because the world is so threatened by anything that smacks of sex offending or incest, it’s basically never been read. I published it through Create Space and did nothing to publicize it. Oh, I sent a note to the local paper which was discarded, but I write, I don’t push.  After 4 years I have only 282 blog followers, but I love them all.   My county library was disinterested in helping to sponsor a presentation on the book, and I didn’t push.  A follower wrote something positive about the book but I didn’t know enough to pick up her review and run with it (thank you).

But the thing is, it’s good and valuable and I’ll soon be 83 and no one will have profited from it.  Sooo–I’m going to try and schedule a discussion of it at the county library, knowing that the incest offenders, for whom it was primarily written as well as survivors who I also believe can profit from it but are ashamed, will probably not show up.  I have one friend who I believe will attend–won’t you, Alexa?

The discussion will be based on the book Fallout: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders plus her journal including dreams, drawings, and reflections.  I treated sex offenders at Hocking Correctional Facility for 12 years, and spent two or three years researching the literature.  At first I began to write on just my experience as a survivor, and the damage incest causes, but then I realized that would be too easy to discount, so I began the research.

Since I used to be a clinical psychologist before I got too old, the session will hopefully involve give and take more than preaching.

I’m kinda scared to do it, but I figure if I announce I’m going to do it I’ll follow through.

(I think I can.)

SCHEDULED THURSDAY,   NOVEMBER 1 st,  6:30p.m.  Big Meeting Room, Library,

Athens, Ohio, but they want a sponsoring organization so I’ll push through that situation.

About Nan Mykel

I used to think I would be a child prodigy, but then I got old. Formerly I had fantasies of rubbing elbows with cultural and academic leaders but that did not come to pass because I did not become a cultural or academic leader or any other kind of leader, for that matter. I am not even an "Alpha Dog," a term learned from a friend who had to become "Alpha Dog" in order to influence her own pet. (When gazes lock, she never looks away.) For years I expected to become a published author, but in passing I could not avoid the fact that I had little to contribute to the world's bulging dumpsters. I'm embarrassed to report that I also considered my primary process artistic productions powerful, rather than mildly neurotic. Which is not to say that I disrespect myself, only that I am beginning to doubt my potential for making a mark on the world. If I focus on strict self discipline I may be able to keep my garbage removed on a weekly basis, to keep the kitty box changed, the clothes cleaned, the dog watered, fed and walked, but that just catches me up to the starting mark again. When writing I physically grapple with words, wrestling them from their indifference into attempted chunks of awareness. I sit heavily on my chair; I breathe in artificially cooled air; my ear drums note the tap tap of the keyboard and the steady uninterrupted sound of the air conditioner, What is that sound? The roar of the ocean from 30 yards away...Inside, my thoughts are are balls in an electronic game machine, bouncing hither and yon from lever to lever. I am a little grim and intent until I recall a dream related by a black man in the prison where I once worked. He said that when he was a small boy, back home, he dreamed he was standing on his front porch pissing, and that he suddenly found himself pissing stars...
This entry was posted in A mixed bag, Incest, sex offender treatment, Sexual abuse and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN…

  1. bethanyk says:

    Nan, you can self publish on amazon. I published two books of poetry on amazon. Then you can share the link on your blog and others can read your book. Especially if you offer it through kindle which I did. It is very simple and I had no idea what I was doing. I just googled it and uploaded my book. Creating the cover was the hardest part. I’d hate to think no one would benefit from what you spent so much time researching and writing. I’d love to come to your book talk but I am no where near where you are. Maybe someone can record it?
    My mom also treated sex offenders that were mentally incompetent to stand trial. They were criminals on many different levels. Some of them had severe personality disorders. I found it so interesting because she felt such pity and compassion for them even if they didn’t feel it themselves.
    Did you ever work with anyone that felt remorse?

    Like

    • Nan Mykel says:

      Thanks, Bethany, but I did publish three on Create Space, which is Amazon. In my old age I’ve become suspicious of their bookkeeping. I think maybe I lost a reply to you–I had a helper every week or two for a long time (still). For 3 printed books actually over 4 years I made a total of $157.36, and most were probably books I bought myself! Their bookeeping is less than straightforward. Strange things happened, like losing my bankng number and my social security number over time. It’s short stories from here on out (after I find a publisher for my transgender novel, “Jules’ Closet.” Our personal stories are very different, but we still bear the scars.

      Like

      • bethanyk says:

        Ohh. I didn’t know you had done that on create space. I tried that but I got too confused. I’m just not so savvy as you to publish. But that’s fantastic.

        Like

      • Nan Mykel says:

        I just saw your comment.I wonder why it wasn’t on my site! I’ll try to send a copy of my talk. Let me know if you don’t receive it.

        Like

  2. lynn__ says:

    I’m sure you can, I’m sure you can, Nan!! It’s an important topic. Maybe you need to advertise your book on counselor/psychologist venues…websites, magazines, NAMI?

    Like

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