To the desk chair it most definitely concerns:

Please note, this is not a letter. This is more of a notice. A warning, if you will. Actually, that’s a bit too catastrophic. I see the word “warning” and I think of people rushing outside to film shaky videos of the most recent storm.

This is just a greeting from the person you are now seating. How’s the air down there?

Let me start by telling you a bit about the chair that came before you.

I didn’t know what perfect was before I met it. We bonded instantly. The connection was stronger than Wi-Fi.

It spun me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby, right round, round round.

I’ve always had a thing for chairs that spin. I hear it’s quite the workout.

That was an exercise joke. 

That chair entered my life at a time when I…