He Adored Her All His Life

Spoiler:  Tragedy

She listened well, very well.

When he was drunk, she could

put him back on track. He was

so full of himself  (aka her) that

one day when he stepped on her

she stuck to the bottom of his

shoe.  He saw her in his d.t.’s

and never knew  she was there

so close, just squished, still out of

sight,  carried through life on the bottom

of his smelly old shoe. It’s called

trauma bonding. Avoid it if you can.

About Nan Mykel

I used to think I would be a child prodigy, but then I got old. Formerly I had fantasies of rubbing elbows with cultural and academic leaders but that did not come to pass because I did not become a cultural or academic leader or any other kind of leader, for that matter. I am not even an "Alpha Dog," a term learned from a friend who had to become "Alpha Dog" in order to influence her own pet. (When gazes lock, she never looks away.) For years I expected to become a published author, but in passing I could not avoid the fact that I had little to contribute to the world's bulging dumpsters. I'm embarrassed to report that I also considered my primary process artistic productions powerful, rather than mildly neurotic. Which is not to say that I disrespect myself, only that I am beginning to doubt my potential for making a mark on the world. If I focus on strict self discipline I may be able to keep my garbage removed on a weekly basis, to keep the kitty box changed, the clothes cleaned, the dog watered, fed and walked, but that just catches me up to the starting mark again. When writing I physically grapple with words, wrestling them from their indifference into attempted chunks of awareness. I sit heavily on my chair; I breathe in artificially cooled air; my ear drums note the tap tap of the keyboard and the steady uninterrupted sound of the air conditioner, What is that sound? The roar of the ocean from 30 yards away...Inside, my thoughts are are balls in an electronic game machine, bouncing hither and yon from lever to lever. I am a little grim and intent until I recall a dream related by a black man in the prison where I once worked. He said that when he was a small boy, back home, he dreamed he was standing on his front porch pissing, and that he suddenly found himself pissing stars...
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8 Responses to He Adored Her All His Life

  1. marley raine says:

    This is outstanding.

    Like

  2. E says:

    Truly powerful imagery here Nan. Sad and yet through writing we reclaim power.

    Like

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