Another Beginning

Sorry, I didn’t mean to mislead you with hopes for a rosy post. I’m just “cleaning out” my papers again and came across the following which is the beginning of a story I never finished, from 1-4-98, titled “Something About Ida.”

At 62, Ida was an imposing old girl, having inherited her large frame from her mother’s father and her seeming aloofness from her father. Not a very nice person, but she meant to be. She was an enigma to herself,  and others often dismissed her as being too complex and self-centered.

A woman of many talents,  she has come to believe if not totally accept that in some aspects she is irrevocably stunted. As she sees it, her task is to live a life of integrity, while allowing for her very real  and intransigent shortcomings.

At times she wonders if her view of her shortcomings is a cop out. Is her perception of her developmental hang-ups pathological or not? She grasps for an analogy when reflecting on this. Like a man carving  himself out of a block of wood: is he a block of wood with delusions of grandeur or a creative spirit working to free himself from his unconscious?




About Nan Mykel

At 79, I was just about to stop keeping a journal, but that felt like accepting that growth was finished. I don't want to be finished, yet! I'm 80 now, and struggling to communicate with you, if you'll come and set awhile. P.S. My how time flies! I'm 82 now.
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4 Responses to Another Beginning

  1. Something strikes me as odd in this post Nan “Intransigent shortcomings”. Maybe the woman had carved her identity out in such a way that her shortcomings are doomed to remain intransigent. In this case she will not have the creativity to free herself from the block of wood. However much she may wish to do this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nan Mykel says:

      Hey, watch your language! You’re talking about me, of course (just joking). I’ve removed the “i” word, but the problem is still there. I really have been damaged, but do I use that as an excuse to myself for failings? Do I protest too much? There is a defense mechanism known as “undoing.” For years when somebody in graduate school gave me feedback, my usual response was “I know, and I’m working on it.” And I was! I do think at some level I have been trying to carve out a different experience of myself. Thanks for the identity observation.


  2. lynn__ says:

    Ida is an interesting character 🙂 Your final sentence is a profound puzzle…I think I’d side with the creative spirit breaking free!


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