From Fallout: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (And Others), by moi.

And I am not special, although I still struggle with this. During many years of “keeping the secret” and believing that I had wielded great magnetic power destructively, I did feel special–especially wicked, especially confused in the head. I still feel different from others. It’s a weird mix of feelings, debased and inflated, and is a flip-flop survivors have come to know well. (p 9)