EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER….

NOT one after another, but at the same time!  In psychology class we learned that at any one time we aren’t feeling just one emotion, but several.  For fun (and boredom) I decided to check out my emotions and their subject…object?  I’d be interested in hearing yours.

There goes my mind! Catch it!

Worried…That Lucky, my blind and deaf red cat may be failing. I thought maybe I could write a poem about him dying but I haven’t yet nor has he….That you might I’m being cruel for not “putting him down,” but he can still purr and eat and sleeps wih me.

Joy…That after losing only about 8 pounds I have more energy and recently videotaped 3 hours of the International Street Fair, Poetry Corner at the library, the Psychic Fair at the Rec Center,  a great talk by an anorexic, and made a guest appearance on Kaleidoscope, with Jane and Shannon, all as a volunteer for Athens Public Access cable 23.

Lonely….If  I don’t keep busy.

Sad….That I have been disowned by someone in my family.

Disappointed…That my books aren’t selling.

Challenged….by blogland.

Shy (is that an emotion?) ….Too shy to peddle my books.

Angry (well, a little miffed) that someone was in my parking space tonight and I had to park elsewhere and run the minor risk of being towed.

Fearful…. that an organic chemist in Florida wants to mess with our DNA, inserting new “letters” into its code. Evolution has done pretty well–many of us are alive. What would a change like that incur?

Sleepy…I KNOW that’s not an emotion…exactly, but that’s what I am right now.  G’night.

About Nan Mykel

I used to think I would be a child prodigy, but then I got old. Formerly I had fantasies of rubbing elbows with cultural and academic leaders but that did not come to pass because I did not become a cultural or academic leader or any other kind of leader, for that matter. I am not even an "Alpha Dog," a term learned from a friend who had to become "Alpha Dog" in order to influence her own pet. (When gazes lock, she never looks away.) For years I expected to become a published author, but in passing I could not avoid the fact that I had little to contribute to the world's bulging dumpsters. I'm embarrassed to report that I also considered my primary process artistic productions powerful, rather than mildly neurotic. Which is not to say that I disrespect myself, only that I am beginning to doubt my potential for making a mark on the world. If I focus on strict self discipline I may be able to keep my garbage removed on a weekly basis, to keep the kitty box changed, the clothes cleaned, the dog watered, fed and walked, but that just catches me up to the starting mark again. When writing I physically grapple with words, wrestling them from their indifference into attempted chunks of awareness. I sit heavily on my chair; I breathe in artificially cooled air; my ear drums note the tap tap of the keyboard and the steady uninterrupted sound of the air conditioner, What is that sound? The roar of the ocean from 30 yards away...Inside, my thoughts are are balls in an electronic game machine, bouncing hither and yon from lever to lever. I am a little grim and intent until I recall a dream related by a black man in the prison where I once worked. He said that when he was a small boy, back home, he dreamed he was standing on his front porch pissing, and that he suddenly found himself pissing stars...
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3 Responses to EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER….

  1. I’d better not start this conversation, it’s be epic! Or maybe I’m scared of what will come out should I start investigating my emotions?

    Like

  2. Carpentier, Sallie says:

    I love your blog post!

    sorry I still haven’t figured out how to comment, but I’ve been reading them!

    lets talk tomorrow.

    Love you !! sal

    ________________________________

    Like

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