PREFACE — I was 65 when struck by the idea of writing this book. If I fail to write it now, at 68, the book will never happen. I will have lost the chance to say some things which I believe are important from my vantage as former victim, former treater of incarcerated sex offenders, former treater of survivors, and as the product of years of quality psychotherapy and analysis.

I’m going to write as though the reader is female because that seems most natural to me, but much if not all of this book applies equally to males, and to both victims who became law abiding citizens and those who went on to become molesters themselves.

Society seems to either be in denial about the actual damage resulting from sexual abuse or to blow it out of proportion–to portray child sexual abuse as worse than murder, for instance. I endorse neither approach.

It’s a confusing, complex world, and grabbing hold of a stable purchase from which to perceive it is especially difficult for those whose most precious boundaries have been trampled, often by those who think they love us. Perspective is a continuing problem for me, at 68. It will be, forever. We aren’t crazy.  We’re scrambled.