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Published February 14, 2017 by Nan Mykel
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ROLE OF THE MOTHER
Published February 13, 2017 by Nan MykelChapter 21 – From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi
In cases of continuing incest by the father, to what extent is the mother aware? Is there a subconscious knowledge? Conscious awareness, even complicity? (p 214).
I thought little about my mother’s possible role in the incest until many years later. When she was living in a nearby retirement community. An older man befriended her–his wife was in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. My mother arranged for her friend and me to go out somewhere together. I think this embarrassed both of us, and I don’t think it ever actually happened. I wondered then, however, about the dynamics of her machinations. Had she also tried to hang onto my father by using me? (Mykel, 220).
“During therapy, intense feelings of unresolved anger and grief at the mother usually emerge and tend to consume much more therapeutic time than feelings about the incestual perpetrator.” (Meiselman 1978, 159)
I had no idea how typical my anger at Mother was until writing this book. The reader may want to reflect on this observation, also.
We long to be able to love her and to see ourselves loved in her eyes. We long to be known, to be seen in our deepest selves and liked for who we are by this woman who is our earthly origin and most often our primary caretaker. (Carlson, 1989, xi)
SO SAD
Published February 13, 2017 by Nan MykelJeffrey Sandusky, the son of convicted sex abuser and former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky, has been arrested on felony and misdemeanor child sexual abuse charges, according to court documents from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.
The younger Sandusky, 41, faces 14 counts, including sexual assault of a child older than 11, sexual assault of a child less than 16, and a variety of other sexual abuse and child pornography charges.
(CNN News)
When the grey clouds descend
Published February 13, 2017 by Nan MykelSo beautiful and moving.
when the grey clouds
descend until they
ghost the tops
of buildings and trees,
does the river whisper
in all seriousness,
“my cousin has come
to visit me?”
and when the rains
begin to fall
does the lake ask
why her sister is weeping?
~~
written in response to two prompts today. At dVerse, the prompt is to write a quadrille (poem of 44 words), including the word “ghost” (this prompt goes live at 3pm ET). At the Daily Post, the prompt word is “seriousness”
WAS BRIAN THE ONLY BLOGGER WHOSE…
Published February 13, 2017 by Nan MykelDid I lose other followers?
I received the following from Brian today:
Nan,
Was your site hit by the recent hack, you disappeared from my Reader. I had to re-follow you. Please make a back up of all your posts, they are to valuable to be messed with.
-Brian
Thanks, I’ll ask folks. -Nan
owningitlog
owningitlog.wordpress.comx
brian@bandkarts.com
96.227.252.180In reply to Nan Mykel.Suddenly I wasn’t following you. I may have accidentally clicked off “follow”. You are back in my feed now! Select comment Nan Mykel
survivorpsychologist.wordpress.comx
nmykel@gmail.com
75.188.21.21In reply to owningitlog.Great! 1 Select comment
FREEING SHAME
Published February 12, 2017 by Nan Mykel
Davis speaks of survivors who feel ashamed of their sexual feelings. Many times “survivors feel their bodies betrayed them when they were children: they responded sexually to abuse. This is one of the deepest pockets of shame many survivors carry” (Davis, 1991, 203).
More devastating than the inability to ward off the abuser is the perception that one cannot trust oneself. In my case it was an accurate perception. My body follows me through life; my father does not. (p. 200)
chobirdokan.com ›
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi
MONKEY WRENCH EFFECT
Published February 12, 2017 by Nan MykelThe Monkey Wrench Effect is a way of looking at the damage of incest, based on the child victim’s developmental stage when first molested. It is as though a monkey wrench had been thrown into the child’s developmental machinery, interfering with the learning tasks of that and later stages. (191)
Girls first molested before the age of nine are affected differently than those who are first molested after the age of nine, as measured by the Rorschach inkblot procedure and reported by Zivney, Nash, and Hulsey (1988, 99). This is a remarkable finding. Age of victimization, then, can affect the way they see the world–or at least inkblots they have to make sense out of. Based on the responses, girls first abused after the age of nine appeared to be angrier, and those in the younger group more depressed and needy.
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi
TRAUMATIC SEXUALIZATION
Published February 11, 2017 by Nan Mykel“Sexual abuse experiences, particularly at the hands of close relatives, almost invariably disrupt the developmental sequences that characterize normal psychosexual maturation. Once these experiences occur, they are reclaimed as body memories even if (in some cases) details of the abuse are unavailable to the victim’s conscious memory (Maddock and Larson, 1995)
Eroticizing – The most insidious, lingering and destructive effect of the incest was its impact on my developing sexuality. I suspect that this is true for other survivors.
According to Finkelhor (1986, 181) traumatic sexualization refers to “a process in which a child’s sexuality (including both sexual feelings and sexual attitudes) is shaped in a developmentally inappropriate and interpersonally dysfunctional fashion as a result of the sexual abuse.” Experiences in which the offender makes an effort to evoke a sexual response from the child, for example, would be more sexualizing than those in which an offender simply uses a passive child to masturbate with (182).
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi
Under 2:00 – Silence
Published February 11, 2017 by Nan MykelThe first part of Brian’s experience is on his site.
Under 2:00 Part 2
In my shock, I dreaded what my Dad was going to say. My only job was to protect my twin sister, his favorite. I couldn’t even protect myself. He was going to hate me when he found out.
But no one ever said a word. Nothing. Not even yelling at me for being so pathetic. I dreaded and waited and nothing. Dread was my punishment.
My parent’s silence was how they screamed Shame. I started hearing it leak out in comments, nothing direct, never direct. Soon everything was a backhanded stab. I filled in the clarifier at the end of sentences that they never said out loud. Praises were tainted, I knew they meant to add “…for a sissy”. No matter what words they used, what they wanted to say was “weakling”, “pussy”. They hated me so much they couldn’t even stomach a whisper. It…
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sterling elocution
Published February 11, 2017 by Nan MykelInspiring.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Like Solomon, who wrote these words, I find soul satisfaction in beautiful speech. As a writer, I search for delicious words to be framed in serendipitous syntax. I hope to pick ripe thoughts, artfully arrange them in woven-word baskets and serve a taste of lingual delights. I admire skilled poets and appreciate how different poetic brushstrokes reveal textured perspectives; unique angles on life’s truth. Flighty images of the mind settle to roost in solid words. Sentinel ideas on signposts outline silent spaces for contemplation. Hand-in-hand, we meander world with senses alert to the wild call of hurricane winds or the fresh whisper of gentle breezes, then collectively record richly scripted delicacies for our hungry souls to feast on.
*Proverbs 25:11, BRG
photo by lynn – Galveston beach
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