HEALTH NUT

First let me get this off my chest:

I’m part animal and old’s the rest.

A cow’s valve is pumping my breath;

while a pig’s valve’s staving off death.

 

And you’ll see why

I try

To take care of my self.

 

I was going to the boonies

That night to catch me some goonies

in the tunnel that’s haunted,

while feeling undaunted.

 

But a stitch in my chest said go,

check it out now, don’t delay.

So as a good health nut I drove

to Urgent Care, just over there,

 

where  the doc

jumped up and down

in his trim green gown

and with a medical frown

 

called an  ambulance

while I sat in a trance

thinking why can’t I drive

round the corner myself?

 

ER let me stay  all day ,

Out of the way

While emergencies

came and went.

 

It was late and it was dark

When I asked on a lark

If I could now go

and surprised, they said “Sho.”

 

No wheelchair was needed,

I just walked  the field

of gopher holes in the dark

to UC, where I had parked.

 

Why why why did this happen to me?

And then I thought of pay back.

While dizzy, on my last UC visit,

I’d had the bad manners to

barf in his trash.