A Transgender’s Self Gestalt

Published February 12, 2023 by Nan Mykel

From a work in progress:

Suddenly Jules shivered and reached for a blanket which lay across the foot of the bed. She wrapped it around her shoulders and then. unexpectedly, fell asleep almost immediately, sitting upright. When she awoke half an hour later–warmer but still anxious–she decided to do some Gestalt therapy on herself, a process learned during her early yeas in psychotherapy. She picked up her pen to dialogue with her alter, recording the dialogue for future reflection.
“You can go first.”
Do you remember the person in your group who asked about your pain versus the pain of others in the world?
Oh yeah–she had a point. It’s like I’m in a jungle with all this foliage and trees in front of my eyes and I can’t see beyond where I’m at.
If we should have only one life, how do you want it spent?
I guess that’s what I don’t know. Can you give me some choices?
Do you want to be dragged down by transgender issues, a bottom heavy (excuse the pun) self-focussed quagmire?
Not if you put it that way.
What do you want your life to be in ten years?
Productive. Sane. Comfortable with myself. Respected. Creative. Honest. Caring. Involved. Intelligent. Nurturing. Unafraid. Living with a respected friend or friends.
Respected? What does that mean?
Well, I don’t want others to have a negative influence on me. I don’t want to waste time picking them up all the time when I may be struggling to remain upright.
Would you mind dying as a virgin?
I don’t think so.
Would you mind dying a Mother Theresa?
I wouldn’t go that far.
You’re headed towards journalism.
Yes, I can write to support justice.
Intimacy? Honesty? Does that fit in?
In ten years, I hope so.
How are you going to get there?
One step at a time. Thanks, I think it’s time to get some shut eye.
Are you now productive? (Her alter she wouldn’t shut up)
A little bit. I helped catch the rapist. I’ve gotten a couple of by-lines.
My God, I wonder at times.
Comfortable with yourself?
That’s easy: no.
Half and half, I guess.
Working on it.
Not entirely.
Yes, yes I am.
Not really. I’m too inwardly focussed.
I wonder at times.
I could be more.
No. Don’t ask me why. That girl’s screams rattled…something down deep.
Living with a respected friend or friends?
Yes, I do think so….

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