From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi
Bass and Davis (1994, 179) quote a woman:
Finally, I had to realize it was a part of me. It’s not something I can get rid of. The way I work with it will change, but I think it will always be there. And I think I have to get to the point where I love it, because then it’s really loving me wholly. If I’m really going to love myself totally, then I had to love all of me, and this is part of who I am.
An important part of Recovery centers around taking responsibility for protecting and soothing yourself. Right now, look around your life and check that you are physically, emotionally and interpersonally safe. If you are not safe, problem-solve. Where does the danger lie and what can you do about it? Then do it. Remember, denial is the bugaboo. Safety concerns might include birth control, protection from STDS, abuse of substances, illegal activities such as shoplifting and DUI’s, an unsafe living arrangement, acquaintances who have a toxic effect on you, impulsive behaviors–yours and theirs–frequenting unsafe places, etc. Many survivors find themselves in relationships which do not seem abusive because of their past. Ask yourself if you are being respected, listened to, and free of emotional and physical abuse. (Emotional abuse includes being called derogatory names). We were all trapped in the incest, earlier. for which we were not responsible. We are responsible now if we allow ourselves to be further abused in any way. (241)