Herman…observes that “the profound sense of inner badness becomes the core around which the abused child’s identity is formed.” (1992, 105). Blume refers to the child’s sense of being “soiled and spoiled.” (1990, 244).
“The notion that a truly evil ‘other’ is embedded deep within the victimized daughter is a reflection of the sexual nature of her violation. The penetration of the body is experienced as the penetration of her true self, creating within her psychic being a place of evil and shame that is a source of stigma and self-hatred.” –Janet Liebman Jacobs, 1944).
My father stressing that “boys want only one thing” undoubtedly fed into my self-devaluation. I assume now that at that moment he was excluding himself, but I was not sufficiently quick or brazen to call him on it. (p. 172)
From FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (and Others) by moi:
This is so true. I still battle with feeling clean, or good. I had a mantra (or litany) some time ago – I’m a good girl. Over and over. For months, even years maybe. It worked a little bit.
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Yes, I often feel tainted as tho I’m imposing on people by just being there.
Word for word.