FALLOUT

womans face.jpg

After having published FALLOUT, I am left with a box overflowing with xeroxed  research articles which I hate to throw away. If anyone would like them, I will send them to you postpaid.

FALLOUT: A Survivor Talks to Incest Offenders (And Others), plus her dream journal and drawings

You can buy FALLOUT at Amazon.com

You can buy FALLOUT at Amazon.com

FALLOUT's back cover

FALLOUT’s back cover

Here I am on our local Access TV program, Kaleidascope, sharing FALLOUT's release.

Here I am on our local Access TV program, Kaleidoscope, sharing FALLOUT’s release.

by
Nan Mykel

Watch my author interview on an April, 2015 talk show:

C O N T E N T S
Part I – MEN WHO COMMIT INCEST
Chapter 1 – Who Am I?
Chapter 2 – Why Did I Do It?
Chapter 3 – How Could I Do It?
Chapter 4 – Treatment
Chapter 5 – Hurdles in Treatment
Chapter 6 – Modus Operandi
Chapter 7 – Will I Do It Again?
Chapter 8. A Metaphor
Part II – BONDS THAT BIND
Chapter 9. The Trauma Bond
Chapter 10 My Trauma Bond
Chapter 11 The Sexual Bond
Part III – COMMUNITY AND FAMILY
Chapter 12 After Release, Then What?
Chapter 13 Protecting
Part IV – THE SURVIVORS
Chapter 14 The Fallout
Chapter 15 Powerlessness
Chapter 16 Damaged Goods
Chapter 17 Betrayal
Chapter 18 Traumagenic Sex
Chapter 19 The Monkey Wrench Effect
Part V – SHAME
Chapter 20 Freeing Shame
Part VI – THE MOTHERS
Chapter 21 Role of the Mother
Part VII – RECOVERY
Chapter 22 Getting to Okay
Chapter 23 Survival Manual
Part VIII – PROFESSIONAL REMARKS
Chapter 24 Survivor as Therapist
Part IX – FURTHER STEPS TOWARDS CLOSURE
Chapter 25 Letters
Chapter 26 Gestalt Goodbye to My Father and Epilogue
References
THE AUTHOR’S DREAM JOURNAL AND DIARY
Illustrations
Fanged Woman
Me and Mom
ISH
Depressed
6 Weeks Old Today
Sexualized
Shame
Cartoon
Mandala
Bombs
Drowning
Negative Specialness
Ambivalence
Peg Leg
Untitled
Monkey Woman
Winged Animal
Hiding
Fanged Mouth
Kneeling Fanged Male Angel
Scared
Engulfing
Dinosaur Woman
Six-armed Woman
Crested Bird Man
Developmental Delay
Shame
Swiss Cheese
(goodreads)

FINAL THOUGHTS (from the book)

Is an innocent, carefree childhood a thing of the past?  Or was there ever really such a thing?  Can there ever be one? Some readers may be surprised that I don’t give the victims advice as to whether to tell or not, but only suggest an alternative via escaping the incestuous situation. There are several reasons for this. First, the justice system is flawed; enough said. Second, the family  suffers considerable economic hardship , often losing the house and car, both vital to its continued survival. Third, the victim experiences additional guilt. Fourth, too much taxpayer money is not only going down the drain, but in many instances doing harm, as inmates become hardened by the prison experience. Fifth, incarceration doesn’t seem to solve the problem.

HOW MANY INCEST OFFENDERS DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW?

Probably several, since only about five percent  ever get reported. Most are men, and daughters are usually their victims. I can speak for both the daughter victim as well as the incestuous father, because I am an incest survivor and I also treated imprisoned sex offenders for twelve years. Many of them had molested their daughters, and less frequently their sons.

I had earned my degree and was a psychologist when I began work at the prison, but knew little about sex offender treatment. It was not covered in our graduate curriculum. The first and most important lesson I learned while working with these offenders was that they do not believe that they have harmed the victim! Since their child did not say “no” or cry or tell her mother, and because her young body physically responded to the touching, they convinced themselves that there was no harm done.

GROOMING

Incest doesn’t just “happen.” It is a common practice for a father to “groom” his daughter before sexually assaulting her. The father attempts to strengthen the parental bond with his daughter in order to make her more vulnerable to him. The more she comes to trust him the easier it is for him to transition into sexual touching. And the more she has come to trust him, the greater the negative impact on her future relationships. Looking back, I remember my father taking me out square dancing twice before beginning to molest me. It seemed a little strange, but my mother said she had nothing to wear.

REACHING INCESTERS IN THE COMMUNITY

Incest harms. Would fathers who care about their daughters molest them, or would the knowledge of the harm they were inflicting stop or prevent their behavior? Those fathers lucky enough to get treatment while in prison are educated about many of the areas in which the child is damaged. But what about the men who are struggling to deal with the temptation to molest their child, or who have acted but not been caught? They have no access to treatment due to the new reporting laws which make it mandatory for professionals to report any adult who sexually assaults a child to the authorities. (It is a sexual assault because the young are trained to obey adults and lack the knowledge to be able to give informed consent).

THE HEAVY SECRET

The incest perpetrator’s next move, after having groomed and molested the victim, is to insure that she doesn’t tell anyone. The child must “keep the secret” from everyone, or terrible things will happen, including threats of retribution upon her, divorce of the parents, her being removed from the family, etc. In my case, my father told me it was a capital offense in our state, which I took as meaning it would be the death penalty for him if I told. (It turns out he was lying, as I learned much later).

TRAPPED

Not only do the reporting laws prevent unreported men from getting treatment, but remove any possible source of support for the victim’s struggle in deciding what to do. One of the negative results following sexual abuse by a family member is powerlessness. Some victims run away from home to escape the bind she finds herself in, only to be apprehended and returned home to the source of the abuse. Some victims marry early to escape the home situation. I have a suspicion that many young suicides are pursuing what they see as the only way out.

I struggled with the seemingly hopeless, no-win situation of many incest victims, and when I retired from the prison system I decided to write a book sharing the damage I myself experienced in order to demonstrate its destructiveness,  but I fear I am failing in that pursuit. We the people do not like to think about, much less spend time reading and learning about, topics that are emotionally repellent. Our response is “gross!” and so we avoid the topic. Meanwhile, all over the world children are being betrayed by the very people who are expected to protect them, and the children are in many ways trapped. The resulting sense of powerlessness often becomes part of her adult personality. What if she does report the incest? There is something called the Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome in which a child may report the incest, but then family pressure, threats and fear cause her to retract her statements and her charges are deemed to have been falsehoods. To be returned to a family under those conditions appears to be even worse.

This was accidentally left out of FALLOUT (it means that I was/am a little lopsided).

Many complexities surround this issue. One child did not keep the secret, and her father died while he was in prison. The officer who called his home to report the death to his wife told me that in the background he could hear someone screaming and sobbing for her daddy.

This was accidentally left out of FALLOUT (it means that I was/am a little lopsided).

16 Responses to FALLOUT

  1. The ‘grooming’ aspect I remember, but didn’t realise what it was. We didn’t go out or anything but he’d brush my hair etc. The bit about your mother ‘not having anything to wear’ in order to go out with him: what’s your take on how many mothers actually realise what the father is up to, silently condone it and why they do. It’s an unexplored topic.

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  2. I went onto Goodreads – I’ll get your book as soon as I can. I had the same experience with multiple family members molesting me. My sisters too. And that they don’t seem to realise the damage done. I have in fact been told that they’ve ‘moved on’ and if I can’t forgive it’s my fault. Recently, one of the perpetrators wanted to move in with me so I could care for him – he had a stroke brought on by alcohol. I said no and he wouldn’t stop trying, approaching various other family members to speak to me as he thought I was unreasonable!

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  3. I wanted to reblog this to my blog to spread the word but can’t find the reblog button. Won’t you put it back on so I can do that?

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  4. Wow learned so much here, think I am going to have look for your books, they look like something I would enjoy reading x

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  5. bethanyk says:

    Looks like this sent twice, sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oliana says:

    One of the reasons I started my blog under a pseudonym was to write uncensored thoughts about my life. Eventually, writing proved so therapeutic I found poetry an outlet. I look forward to reading your book, Nan. One of the main reasons, I like working on an anonymous youth line is it puts the power in the hands of a youth [however small, it is still there]. I would rather tell a youth who is not convinced “reporting” will help and hurt their family [guilt is so powerful], so we explore ways to prevent the abuse, how to protect themselves…it isn’t perfect, I know. But I embrace the privilege of hearing their stories because I know it is terrifying to disclose and here it is a safe place to do that. I wish I had had this service when I was a youth.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nan Mykel says:

    Yes, it’s difficult to imagine how else to handle it. Seems like I’ve always kept a journal.

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